5 Tips to Get Your spouse On-Board for Your Preparedness Journey
I think I’m lucky for the fact that I live by myself, with the girlfriend living in town. Marriage isn’t a bad thing, in fact marriage can be wonderful if you have a compatible partner. Unfortunately, for many, the spouse isn’t supportive – or even hostile toward the concept of emergency preparedness.
My girlfriend doesn’t know the extent of my preparations, she thinks I’m just “into” living cheaply and preparing for bad weather. Over the last several months I’ve slowly introduced her to more “extreme” concepts such as economic collapse and peak oil.
She appears to be opening to the possibility that the world isn’t unchanging and the need to prepare being paramount to our survival as a species.
If you’re constantly fighting through the resistance of your spouse, you will not be able to sustain the required effort for the long haul. The way your spouse views your emergency preparedness pursuits will be based on the way they are affected and where they feel they fit into your priorities.
Here are some tips that should help keep your spouse happy and supportive of your efforts:
5 Tips to Building Spousal Support for Your Preparedness Efforts
1. Set Priorities
Trust me, I know how easy it is to become totally obsessed with prepping, planning, reading and learning. This is necessary if we want to have a chance at surviving the coming mayhem, just learn to set priorities. You may see collapse around every corner, that’s fine after all if you’re not paranoid you’re not paying attention.
Just don’t constantly communicate the fact to your spouse.
I’m not saying not to mention potential threats or your preps, just don’t talk about it all the time. If you do they will quickly grow tired of your constant ramblings and possibly of you.
2. Communicate Your Reasons for Prepping
This may sound contradictory to point one, but it is necessary if you want to get your spouse on board. You just have to do it in the right way. Take it slow and try not to shock the senses.
For instance say your watching the news when the broadcaster announces the latest update for whatever natural disaster – now would be a good time to ask your partner something like; what if something like that happened here, what would we do?
3. Seek Their Input
Try to get them involved in some way. Ask what they think and for suggestions. Maybe you could talk them into putting together their own bug out bag – you know in case a natural disaster happened in the area.
4. Watch Movies
As far as I’m concerned most movies are a waste of time, but the latest disaster flick, could be a good way to help your partner visualize possible events and start them thinking about the need to prepare.
Again, don’t shock the senses – a storyline about a massive earthquake, tsunami or tornado for instance, would have more influence than a zombie apocalypse. Try to keep it real and again suggest the need to prepare for a similar event.
5. Read Books
This can be a great way of breaking down the wall of resistance, especially if your significant other likes to read. Buy them a book, for example One Second
What about you – is your spouse on board or working against your efforts?
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March 12th, 2010 at 6:01 PM
good tips, I think they will help with my wife.
She hasn't fully understood what I was up to but I think she is starting to see the dangers our world is presenting
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March 12th, 2010 at 6:04 PM
I have made a list of all the things we think we need to be comfortable if we go "off grid"(changing the name to make it sound less worrisome) and posted them by the grocery list. So when we go shopping we pick up extra things and get 1 or 2 things on the list. This helps to not break the bank and keep her on board. I have the purchases of what I call the "durable goods" on a separate list that we have prioritized together e.g. back up gennie, grain mill, freezer, bulk grains. I also started small, with things like bug out bags, a week of extra food, and an extra month of toilet paper. The earthquake in Haiti really helped my cause, she saw the misery of the people who had nothing and had to wait for help–we have a new saying here "ain't going down like a Haitian"
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March 12th, 2010 at 8:09 PM
Ever since the Cuba Crisis and trucking strike I have been in to prepping. My husband always jokes about me going into squirrel mode and being paranoid. I don't say anything but just suggest things like wouldn't he like to get a firearm & ammo and after any disasters don't you think we need a generator or store some water. After all these years he is finally coming around.
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March 12th, 2010 at 9:44 PM
Timely post & well written. There is an art to presenting this idea to the woman in our lives, overwhelming them is a bad idea! Quiet determination in prepping is a good call. Most women depend on their men to provide comfort & safety, it isn't a macho thing, it is by design.
And for those women who are leading the prep organizing with the unwilling man, piece of cake. When the SHTF grab him by the neck and tell him to drive, he'll do it – no questions asked!
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March 12th, 2010 at 9:46 PM
Also be careful about being seen as a looney by your inlaws. That caused me no end to problems when I was married to my latest ex. I hadn't even started thinking about preps back then. I'm a conservative anarchist (read libertarian… ish) and they are (somewhat statist) liberals. Funny thing is, now that a few years have passed, my former father in law has now realized that, while I may not think along the same lines as he does, my worldview isn't any less realistic than his. We have even been able to have some conversations where he admitted that he appreciates the fact that his grandchildren, and by extention his daughter, would have someone who could take care of them should a major disaster happen. Even though she is the "EX", it would be very hard on the kids for them to loose mommy, so I have her in the plan even though she isn't interested. I figure that come what may, should the fecies hit the rotating air oscilater, she'll come around when she starts getting hungry.
Dang it sounds like I'm talking about a dog doesn't it. HA!
s
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March 12th, 2010 at 10:15 PM
After we acquired a fair amount of food & supplies my wife thought we had enough. All I did was agree. I told we had enough for us now I was stocking food for the grandkids. It worked, I have not been questioned since
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March 12th, 2010 at 10:16 PM
Tony Robbins once said about people who wait – "I shoulda done this, I shoulda done that and one day you'll find that you should all over yourself".
With or without agreement, take measurable prep steps daily. When the SHTF it'll be faster & deeper than you can imagine.
Remember, everybody laughed at Noah for building a sea going vessel many miles from water.
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March 12th, 2010 at 10:45 PM
Good post M.D., right up my alley……….
I wouldn't say that my wife is standing in my way or being difficult at all. She has given me very little grief about all that stuff in the basement. But I do need to get her on board better. Last week when she saw me unloading some vienna sausages from the grocery bag, she simply said "gross". I tried to explain that she might not think it was gross if she was hungry and hadn't eaten any meat in a week or more.
At that time I realized one simple tactic to make her feel more involved. I just asked her what things she would want on the shelves, and I would get them. I've just been getting what I thought we would all eat. She has since let me know of some things to get on her behalf.
I also liked the book idea. She is a bit of a naturalist, (converted hippie) and I've been thinking about getting a book on foraging, so I think I will get her a book on edible plants for us both.
Thanks for the info.
Dean in Mich………….
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March 12th, 2010 at 11:05 PM
You could always make it fun.
Go Camping and see how that works. Take her shooting and see how she likes it. Maybe go "mudding" in a truck and watch her expression. Go fishing. Go sledding (snowmachine). ATV it out.
But then again some people are too stupid to live. I don't see the problem of trying to befriend them and being told I am wrong for doign what I am doing. I thank God I met my BF. And even though he does not concider himself a prepper…. he does more of it then he even knows.
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March 12th, 2010 at 11:10 PM
Fortunate for me, my partner [different sex, just not legally bound. But GOOD, we are...], sees the advantage of groring our own food; of buying a bit extra when we have the ability to do so; of being 'prepared'…
You raise a good point– several, in fact– though; I don't relate all of my "doomsday" thoughts, but more pasta at today's prices– something we consume anyway– versus it's cost post-inflation (and when have food prices EVER declined, eh???) appeals to her monetary senses.
Win-win…
Nice post. Thanks.
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March 13th, 2010 at 1:21 AM
My wife supports the prepping. I've always had guns and fishing/camping gear, but I started off getting her involved by talking about how we needed stuff for hurricanne season, and then she saw what happened with Katrina, and the Indonesian tsunami, and different earthquakes through the years. She shoots pistol and shotgun, and she keeps the normal food stocks up to 3-6 months, and I work on the long term bulk foods, and most of the mechanical/tools. We go yard sale'n together to get cheap necessities, and work together well. The main difference with women though, is that they don't want to hear about all the gory details and specific plans. She just wants to know that I've got a handle on it and that we'll be ready if something happens.
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March 13th, 2010 at 2:16 AM
My wife is amazing and supports all of my prepping like I can't believe. I think some of it comes down to roles. We have a very strong and mutual relationship but we also have more traditional roles. I feel that it is my job to provide for my family (just as most men do) and prepping is just an extension of that job. When the SHTF my wife and kids are all going to look at me and say what now. I am simply not willing to look into their eyes and say "I don't know." I know what is coming, I can feel it in my gut as most of you on this board can. It is my responsibility to provide for my family in all aspects and as far as I'm concerned, this is the most important thing I can do after making sure the house payment is made and there is food on the table right now. I'm very lucky to have a supportive wife that beleives in me and is willing to trust that I am taking us down the right path.
If your spouse isn't as supportive, run through some scenarios. Something as simple as some of the previous posts have pointed out. Ask what would happen at your house if power went out for a couple of days, a week, etc… Then, as an experiment, turn off the breaker to the entire house for a weekend and see how you do. (Leave the fridge on of course, just make it off limits) People have a way of thinking out of the box very quickly when they are presented with situations they are not used to. This will only be a mild inconvenience for a couple of days but it will get the mind going. What happens if I don't have power for a month? What if there is no food at the grocery store? I think the most important thing is to find a way to push people's thought process past the sticking point. Once you do, it starts gathering momentum like a snowball going downhill.
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March 13th, 2010 at 4:12 AM
wow! great post and great comments as well. im also very fortunate to have a wife that is fully onboard. today i bought a sig 225,ruger mini 14, and a taurus 101, from an individual thinning out his gun collection. these where all of course "off the books". this was completely my wifes idea,because she is worried that the present administration is going to make a serious gun grab. guns they dont know we have will be easier to deny having if that should become a reality.she is also encouraging me to pick up tools that dont require electricity when i see them.we both have worked diligently aquiring the amount of food stores we both feel comfortable with. i wouldnt be nearly as prepared if my wife and i werent of the same mindset concerning the possibilties in our immediate future.i suppose i would be nearly as unprepared if my wife was against me or not able to see the serious pitfalls this country almost certainly will be facing.
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March 13th, 2010 at 2:13 PM
At first my wife just figured my survival prep was "a guy thing", but I systematically pointed out to her at every occasion that such things as natural disasters, chemical spills, etc., are more likely to put you into a survival situation, and more likely to happen than something drastic like TEOTWAWKI.
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March 13th, 2010 at 2:28 PM
I sort of disagree with the book thing. Giving someone a gift for a birthday or Christmas, etc of a thing you want them to have is rarely if ever accepted well. Now giving them a book you think they might benefit from as a random present might have a chance of success.
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March 13th, 2010 at 2:33 PM
theotherryan,
It's all in how you give it – if done correctly they'll love you for it.
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March 13th, 2010 at 2:46 PM
With a father and a young son to manage and prep for, I quickly realized that I had to get my father on board. By making it task oriented, he quickly got with the program.
But for those with reluctant spouses, may I suggest making them the "Julie McCoys"… Get them involved with organizing the "social" aspect – books, board games, footballs, lawn darts (the old ones that have so many uses at fifty feet), sheet music and instruments, cards, cookbooks, and homeschooling materials… Also get her handling things like sheets and blakets, making quilts. And if your spouse is of child bearing age, ensusre that she is prepared for the possibility of babies… Have her take the first aid courses, even better a mid-wifery course that adds to her preservation value.
If your spouse hears only unending doom and gloom with no mental space for her to create a "nest" then she will turn off and label you a nut…
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March 13th, 2010 at 5:59 PM
I have been defying my husband daily for the last 2 yrs. Every time I receive a food order
he throws a coniption fit. I just tough it out
and he gets over it sooner or later. When I buy
PMs I tell him I am getting it for my birthday
or somthing. It is the really large purchases
that I lose my nerve on. Like a generator, fuel
storage etc. The best thing he has going for him
if the SHTF is the fact that he loves guns and is
a major pack rat on all kinds of odds and ends.
Of course I encourage his collection in all kinds of ways. LOL
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March 13th, 2010 at 8:08 PM
Your girlfriend doesn't know what you do? I had thought you were making your living off survival and survival preps….
Maybe you should broach the subject of what you do for a living?
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March 13th, 2010 at 8:38 PM
YES MY WIFE IS ON THE SAME PAGE AS I AM,SHE LOOKS AT WAYS TO BUY EXTRAS EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS WHEN SHOPPING.AS I HAVE SAID IN THE PAST WITHOUT HER WORKING WITH ME ON THIS IT WOULD BE TOUGH.WE BOTH GREW UP SEEING TOUGH TIMES SO LIVING BELOW OUR NORMAL LIVING STANDARDS GIVES US THE CHANCE TO PREP BETTER THAN MOST WHO LIVE OUTSIDE OF THERE STANDARD OF LIVING.AS I HAVE SAID I AM BLESSED WITH A GREAT WIFE.FROM JAY IN NC
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March 15th, 2010 at 3:29 AM
Excerpt from an article on Reuters, March 14, 2010:
The U.S. Federal Reserve and Bank of Japan both meet in the coming week, but far from unwinding the easy money policies embedded over the past few years to ignite economic growth both are likely to admit implicitly that the job is far from done.
That in itself should give investors pause for thought.
Does the extension of loose money allow for current investment patterns to continue, with money pouring out of cash into higher-yielding assets?
Or does it mean, as some are beginning to believe, that markets have been floating on artificial liquidity and that the underlying global economy is not in true recovery mode after all?
Your thoughts, MD?
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