How to maintain your relationships and keep prepping when the ‘better half ‘ thinks you’re nuts…….



This guest post is by SurvivorDan and entry in our non-fiction writing contest .

Quite a few preppers have had to deal with the strain on a relationship from one-sided prepping commitment. Often one person in a relationship does not share the zeal, the sense of urgency that drives the other partner to prep vigorously. Sometimes the other partner does not believe in the need to prepare for a major disaster at all. Many of us have had to deal with that very situation.  It has been suggested on this blog and others that the prepper should make every attempt to get the ‘other half ‘ involved. I think that’s sound advice though I may have come to that conclusion a bit too late.

Firstly, you may believe in an imminent polar shift disaster, super tornadoes, coming comet/asteroid impact, a New World Government takeover and ensuing social enslavement, the total Collapse of the U.S. Government, world monetary collapse and world wide depression, global warming, global cooling, ad infinitum. There is an element of reality in all of them. Rather than  trying to convince your partner that such is the case, try pushing the more comprehensible rather than the extreme.

Such beliefs, right or wrong, are hard for the average person to embrace. So hedge a little…   ;)  …you are mainly preparing for natural disaster, economic depression and possibly a temporary loss of services such as power and water, civil upheaval (rioting etc.). These are ‘reasonable’ and foreseeable crises which most people (and your ‘better half’) can agree are possible. Acquire some videos on the tsunami in Indonesia, the flooding and rioting at Katrina, the earthquake generated devastation of Haiti. Make it real for your spouse/sig-other.

Next involve them in prep related activities. What are their interests? Do they love to cook? Experiment with dutch oven or solar oven cooking. Do they like to garden or have they always wanted to garden. Encourage him/her to start or enlarge a garden. Get involved as much as you can. Expand the gardening activity to include composting and canning. You can learn to can together. Get it? Together. Mutually shared activities (prepping related) and interests.

Bring the other half into your related hobbies such as shooting, hunting, fishing, ham radio, etc.  Take CPR classes together. Maybe even EMT courses. Go camping. Teach them primitive fire making techniques and make it fun. I showed my wife how to make primitive powered traps and she really got a kick out of it. Naturally I taught her to look for sign and scat so she could site her traps if necessary. She now has a basic capability (and confidence) to make traps to acquire food if needed. I taught her how to track someone with the reasoning that one of the grandkids could get lost when we’re camping. She took an immediate and avid interest. Now she at least has the rudiments of tracking and interpreting sign at her disposal. Could come in handy in the event of TEOTWAWKI.

Often the non-prepping wife/girlfriend or husband/boyfriend tolerates a certain amount of disaster preparations. Bur occasionally, the ‘crazed’ prepper spouse/significant-other drives them over the brink.

I’m afraid I’ve driven MrsSurvivorDan over the precipice. It’s not that I did anything different or on a grander scale than I have ever done heretofore. It is merely that the cumulative effect has driven her ‘sane’.  Sometimes your loved one has a different vision and you can’t change them. You can’t make them see the ‘wisdom’ of your parsimonious, TEOTWAWKI focused lifestyle as you make adjustments prior to what you see as an inevitable Collapse. She says that she thinks I’m a good man but a little ‘nuts’. And indeed, I am a little  nuts, I just think the Collapse is coming. Being a nut doesn’t make me wrong.

Recently, I bought her a new loaded Mazda3 to please her but I did it with much reservation about the ‘unnecessary’  expense. Our home is paid for. Our vehicles are 5-10 yrs old but in good condition and more importantly – sans payments. She was pleased….but her new car wasn’t enough. At one time we took several expensive vacations per year. We leased new vehicles every three years. We bought what toys we wanted with little thought to the expense. Even though we closed our stores I still bring in a good income but I am resolved (more than ever) to convert the excess funds into preps as opposed to financial investments. I don’t spend much on frivolous things. I quit being a reserve deputy last year because in this county we bear all our own expenses.  Even the bullets needed to qualify yearly with! I can no longer afford to do what I used to consider a civic duty. I seldom go out on the town and only do so to please Mrs. S.D.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not cheap. But I don’t splurge on the scale at which I used to and Mrs. S.D. misses the restaurants, clothes and travel. I don’t blame her as she doesn’t believe that any Collapse is coming. She was willing to humor me as long as preps were only at a  natural disaster scale. Emergency preps for a year, etc. As we have once again passed that mark she has rebelled more and more. She thinks that cases and cases of water in all the closets is excessive. Imagine that! Questioning the wisdom of all of my prepping. Refusing to convert our savings into preps. I truly believe that our savings won’t be worth ‘spit” in a few years.

Yeah…I know there should be a  balance between prepping supplies and  investments/savings but I don’t believe that my money will be worth a plug nickel after a world wide economic Collapse. I’d rather have ammo, food, medical supplies, water filters, tools, etc. Things that are useful will always be worth something.  I can trade them for other  things that I need. The former Mrs. SurvivorDan would rather buy some Petron and go to Vegas for a getaway. That’s okay. She’d rather go to a nice restaurant than B-B-Q a marbled ribeye at home. She’d rather go to Hawaii than spend a week training at Gunsite. That’s her choice.

And so sadly, we amicably go our separate ways. I was too late getting her more involved. I put my head down too often and ‘bulled’  my way to get the preps I wanted.  If you value your relationships…. compromise more my friends.  Get the ‘better half’  involved in prepping related activities earlier and more often.  Play down the looming threats as you see them. Don’t be as vociferous in your declarations of impending doom.   Paint a more ‘reasonable’ picture they can get their thoughts around as to why you need to prep.

Or like me …… you’ll have to pony up for that bachelor bunker.

This contest will end on August 7 2012 – prizes include:

First Place : 1 Year Subscription to AlertsUSA, 1 Radiation Safety Package consisting of the following;  (1) NukAlert Radiation Monitor and Alarm (5) Radsticker Peel and Stick Dosimeters (1) Box Thyro Safe Potassium Iodide. All courtesy of AlertsUSA. A $150 gift certificate for Federal Ammo courtesy of LuckyGunner Ammo. And a British Berkefeld water fillter system courtesy of  LPC Survival. A total prize value of over $700.

Second Place : A six pack Entrée Assortment courtesy of Augason Farms, a Nukalert courtesy of Shepherd Survival Supply and a WonderMill Grain Mill courtesy of Kitchen Kneads. A total prize value of over $550.

Third Place : A copy of each of my books “31 Days to Survival” and “Dirt Cheap Survival Retreat” courtesy of The Survivalist Blog dot Net and “Kelly McCann’s Inside the Crucible Set” courtesy of Paladin Press. A total prize value of over $200.

Contest ends on August 7 2012.

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Comments

  1. SD, sorry to hear about this as in my humble opinion, it takes a pair with like minds and opposite views to make it in this difficult world. Many times when I have just known I had gathered everything together that I needed when we were going to take a trip, my wife has came through with suggestions and items I had overlooked since she looked at things with a different viewpoint.. I just can’t imagine going through anything without her by my side where she has been the past fifty three years but someday it will happen. Good luck in your future ventures and keep in mind that our prayers are with you all the way. You are not alone to bail the boat. Harold

  2. Great article, SD! Thanks for your time in doing this. I’m so grateful that DH and I are on the same page with prepping.

  3. worrisome says:

    Sorry to hear this SD, sad day for you I am sure.

  4. SD, I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your marriage. Some of your recent comments seemed to allude to an issue, but I just didn’t know what to say or how to ask if you were okay in a comment.

    Thank you for trying to help others by sharing your hard-earned wisdom from a sad and difficult situation.

    You and the former MrsSurvivorDan will continue to be in my prayers.

    • SurvivorDan says:

      Thanks. I’m fine with it. I just wanted to offer some helpful advice from a bad situation.
      Must accumulate more preps now as the non-believer has most of them! Lol.

      • village idiot says:

        Here’s something to make you feel a lot better, Survivor Dan!

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyqe8n-pbqQ

        • SurvivorDan says:

          Now that was funny.
          “She’s living like a queen on my alimony and I’m workin’ two shifts and eatin’ boloney!” Hee-hee!

          • SurvivorDan says:

            All jokes aside…….To be fair to the former Mrs. S.D. and all the reasonable ladies out there…….she didn’t do a thing out of line and she didn’t demand a thing at the end. Consequently, I think I was way more than fair to her and heck, she deserves it puttin’ up with my craziness all these years. Still Jerry Reed was hilarious!

            • village idiot says:

              Yes, he was, Dan. He was one of those unique Americans we have too few of these days. Just wanted to give you a little laugh, no offense to Mrs. S.D. intended.

      • Kathy in Virginia says:

        She took your preps with her?? Now that’s not right!! Sorry that it had to come to this Dan. You seem resigned to the situation. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Divorce is no fun!

  5. Sorry to hear your marriage didn’t work out. Divergent views in any area can be pretty tough to work around. My husband & I have been together 13 years next month, and although we have some pretty big differences in personality and methods, we just refuse to let anything or anybody come between us. (And really, I think the basis of that is sheer stubbornness on both our parts. LOL)

    When it’s a case of huge differences of opinions (for instance, he loves world travel & has been to 3 continents, while I won’t set foot outside the USA), we each do our own thing without resentment or anxiety. We’re both diehard preppers but have fairly different focuses — and we’re pretty good about compromising so neither of us feels like our mutual finances are being all funneled into an area that only one of us feels needs to be focused on. (For instance, I don’t think we need more guns, but I won’t argue about him buying more ammo.) We just try to be aware of our individual quirks & faults, and balance one another out so neither of us gets too extreme.

    But people can, and do, change. Hubby & I used to have VERY different views on a lot of political and personal preferences (like where to live!), but over the years we have both changed a bit here & there, and have each surprised the other in how some of our views have adjusted as we’ve grown and learned, from experience and from one another. I still give him crap about the B-movie horror flicks he loves, but I’ll put up with watching them because he doesn’t gripe too much about my dragging him along to craft stores & asking his opinion on yarn color choices. :)

    • SurvivorDan says:

      That’s great for you guys. making it all work.
      People do change. When TF Mrs. S.D. and I took our first walk together (many years ago) she was appalled to discover I was concealing a large caliber handgun (or two)….. and reloads….and knives.

      “Guns are dangerous. Why do you carry weapons? What are you afraid of?!!!” (actually, not much, especially when I’m strapped)

      After a few years of leaving my guns in the trunk of my car, I corrupted her and got her interested in shooting. She shoots well, enthusiastically and has a carry permit.
      She was a big lib once (though, she won’t admit it) and became quite conservative. So our views converged, somewhat.
      It wasn’t enough. But it’s all good. Life goes on.

      ** If I’m ever dragged along to a yarn store, I’ll act interested.
      I can learn new tricks. ;)

  6. I totally agree it is a good idea to present reasonable scenarios to a partner as a way to get them involved. Snow storms, power outages, floods, and earthquakes might be fairly minor SHTF scenarios, but they are all perfectly good reasons to have prep plans in place.

    My wife is supportive of my preps, but I am in a similar situation with my spouse as she REALLY likes her vacations and other enjoyable activities. Be it dinner at a restaurant or a week-long road trip, each outing costs money which could be used for preps. I could easily be disgruntled about it, but then I sit back and wonder if “all work and no play” is really a life worth living. For sure there won’t be much time for pleasure activities while trying to survive following a SHTF scenario. At that time it will be incredibly hard for me to enjoy a nice juicy steak grilled to perfection, travel to far away places, or experience pleasurable luxuries of all kinds. We should take time to enjoy these things (in moderation) today while we have the means, freedom, and opportunity to do so. It is with this mindset that I can justify and actually enjoy spending time and money on one big vacation each year along with a couple of smaller weekend outings.

    I don’t think the final chapter has been written in SD’s story here. It’s a sad situation and I’m sorry to hear of it, but I believe the day will come when the Mrs. realizes she should have taken you more seriously. It will be a day of regret for her and, assuming you would still be open to the idea, maybe even the thing which brings about a reunion for you both. Best of luck SD.

    • SurvivorDan says:

      Well I certainly will always try to keep her safe in the event of a Collapse. But of course, in regards to her steadfast belief that nothing too serious is going to happen……I hope she turns out to be right.

  7. Survivor Dan, sorry to hear of your outcome. I think many of us including myself could have written of similar experiences. Ironically, it was my DW who used to always tell me to get a kit for earthquake preparedness before I was a prepper. And now she looks at me as your DW looked at you. No, I have not lost it. I have always had a good sixth sense about things and I tell her this is no different than an insurance policy. I do try to get the DW and the DD’s involved without telling them they are prepping. That is sage advice my friend! Hang in there and you are in our prayers.

  8. tommy2rs says:

    My current Boss Lady (second wife but 4th long term relationship) humors me to a point. Got lucky with her (even though she says I live like a bear with furniture…lol) as her personal experiences have showed her the wisdom in being prepared for emergencies.

    Side note: Got my copy of 31 days yesterday, read it that afternoon and then gave it to the Boss Lady to read. She questioned a few things in it and at the same time was reassured that we already had most of it done. Good work M. D.!

  9. The Other Ellen says:

    I’m truly sorry to hear this, SD.

    Wish there was something I could say to make this easier for you, but I can’t. It is hard. Always… no matter how amicable the separation. I hope you will be okay going forward.

  10. JP in MT says:

    SD:
    Thanks for sharing. If I was still married to my 1st wife I’d be in the same situation.

    By the Grace of God, I’m not and my wife is fully on board. We even “prep shop” while on vacation. We spend more time in the Thrift Stores and used book stores than in the major brand name stores.

    P.S. If she’s not a believer, how did she end up with most of the preps?

    • SurvivorDan says:

      Can’t clean out my preps and leave her hanging. I kept my personal gear but left her some extra weapons and all the food preps. How did she do that?!!! Lol.

  11. benjammin says:

    SD,

    Sorry to hear the outcome remained dichotomous. Like you, I did not engage the wife like I should’ve early on, so I am having to make up time now. Mine still doesn’t want to discuss TEOTWAWKI or SHTF scenarios, as the thought that something bad is imminent upsets her and stresses her out too much. At least I am at the point where she no longer questions my acquisitions, even though I have had to temper my compulsions. I find that, so long as I make a sincere gesture toward her (such as buying her a new ring last weekend), she puts up with my prep activities if they don’t go overboard. Figuring out what was the limit for her was the essential lesson. Getting her to come with me to the range or the campsite and letting her shoot what she enjoys or poke around in the campfire keep her interested enough. So long as I don’t rant too much about the current state of affairs, and I keep a budget that she can expect to be consistent from one month to the next, she goes along with the indulgences as she would put it.

    Since we’ve been married 23 years and our kids are grown and gone, I guess our strategy was that divorce was simply never an option for us. When both sides understand that option is not on the table, it is surprising how much either will put up with from the other. Once you realize that it’d be easier to cut off your right arm with a butter knife than to leave your spouse, it makes getting along and trusting each other a whole lot easier I guess. When you get to the point that you are counting on each other to get through each day, and life is just a hollow shell when you are apart, then the little issues either become too trivial, or you just find a way to deal with it. It helps that we subscribe to the Roy Rogers/Dalve Evans school of marriage; the tenet being that in a marriage you always give 80% and expect 20% in return.

    But I am old school. Most folks these days don’t look at marriage the same anymore. Perhaps that is for the best, since the government seems dead set against it.

  12. Dean in Michigan says:

    Good advice Dan……

    Sorry to hear of your misfortune. I, too, have to tip toe around certain aspects of my prepping, and that probably won’t change.

    I’m sure you’ve had this thought, but my guess is that the first sign of trouble brings her right back to your doorstep. Maybe your near future prepping could be thinking on how you will handle that fan event.

    Good luck to you my friend.

    • SurvivorDan says:

      Thanks Dean. I wish her the best. And I just hope she doesn’t hook up with some wimpy metrosexual, liberal, head-in-the-sand idiot. And especially that in the event of TEOTWAWKI, she doesn’t bring said pinhead to my doorstep. ;)

      • Dan,

        Don’t feel bad my friend – my girlfriend of 10 years and I split-up just over a month ago. Life goes on, what can you do, if they want something different in life than you then that is their choice…

        • SurvivorDan says:

          Bummer buddy.
          But, after your initial video, you appear to be a rock star with the ladies of the WolfPack!
          Watch your Opsec……or they might find you!

          Seriously, I’m okay with this. I’m a survivor….as are you.
          Time for a new chapter.
          And the prepping continues……

        • NANN!/Cruzette says:

          Right you are, M.D. After almost 20 years with my DH, I found out about his Bernie Mac look-alike girlfriend, and our divorce was final last week.
          Luckily, I was the prepper, because it’ll be tough without his income. But WTSHTF, he knows better than to show up here!

          Good luck to both of you, M.D. and SD.

  13. carlo n jacki says:

    Sorry about that SD, hope all gets better for you soon.

  14. Homeinsteader says:

    SD: I am sorry for your hurt. Been there – done that. But (present) DH and I have put up with each other now for 32 years! And, while I started this journey alone, he has come on board…slowly at first…but as he watches the world and lines it up with the Word of G-d, he sees prophecy being fulfilled daily in our lives, right now. He is both barrels blazing now!

    I want to say something, and I SINCERELY hope it will be received in the spirit with which it is shared; it is not my intent at all to cast dispersions on anyone for any reason, but I must say, it sounds like the former Mrs S-D was with you for lifestyle, and when that appeared threatened, it didn’t fit her idea of what life should be – so she “fixed it”, the only way she knew how.

    I have a sweet young friend going through this right now, with two little kids. Not saying you need to do this, but by DIVINE PROVIDENCE, a lady has found her way to him who thinks he’s the greatest invention since the automatic wash machine, and she doesn’t expect or want him to change one bit. There are people who not only accept us as we are, but celebrate what we are….good…bad…and everything in between. 32 years and counting….

    Blessings to you, and all that is yours, in His name.

    • SurvivorDan says:

      32 years! Wow! Power to you.
      And the good Lord’s blessings right back at ya.

  15. Michele says:

    Survivor Dan,

    I am sorry about your relationship. Sounds like you tried very hard to make it work, an excellent trait in a man, and once you’re over the shock and pain, some wonderful woman will be very glad to snap you up (and there are some wonderful single women on this site!).

    I tell reluctant family members (almost all of whom still don’t help out with preps), that worse case scenario for buying a lot of food for an emergency is… in 30 years you’ll be eating at today’s prices!

    How can you fault that logic?

  16. This is the major problem I’m having with my prepping. My wife thinks I’m going overboard with it. At first she didn’t mind, but then when she saw I was spending large amounts of money at a time for the preps, she started getting upset. I tried to explain to her that even if I’m wrong, it’s still something that can be used (the food) at some point, so it’s not going to go to waste.
    I took her and my son to a firing range and they really liked it, but she doesn’t like it when I buy ammunition. She says things like “how much ammunition do you need?”. My response is “can never have enough”.
    Or if we go to the grocery store and I buy a few extra things for my preps, she will sigh and roll her eyes. But I’ll just say to her “one day you’re going to be grateful for all of this”. She just smiles and shakes her head.
    So she understands why I’m prepping and all, but she doesn’t like how much I have. She thinks I have enough (I don’t).
    But I can make her happy like remodeling our upstairs bathroom, which she loves. So it’s all good.

  17. farmergranny says:

    Survivor Dan, so sorry about the demise of your marriage. It is such a hard thing to go through, but know that many are praying for you. You will have a good future, it just takes time to go through the stages of grief. You are in mourning; it is just like a death. You are in my prayers.

    As for prepping by yourself and replacing, it will be okay. I’m a single senior citizen and have been prepping alone for several years…slow and steady. You can do it.

  18. SD, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  19. So sorry to hear that Dan … your essay was quite informative and useful, but thankfully not to myself or my spouse. I know hubby is occasionally rolling his eyes at some of the stuff I stock up on (the current mania for picking up heirloom seed packets at 5 cents apiece is causing mucho eye rolls) but he goes along. He’s just focused on different aspects of the prepping. I just got lucky that we both see eye to eye on this.

    And now my son is actively helping prep… I was so proud when he called me over to show me a possible cooking stove for sale…

    And yeah, if she’s not a believer, how’d she get most of the preps?

    • Michele says:

      WHERE do you get heirloom seeds for 5 cents a packet????

      • Menards (if you don’t have them, they are like a Lowe’s … not sure where they extend to, but they are all over the Midwest) is selling American Seed Company seeds for 5 cents a package. Normally these are 29 cents, but its the end of the season. For that matter, they have their Burpee seeds on sale pretty decent also.

        Almost all of the American Seed Company seeds are heirlooms/open pollinated. They just don’t offer much variety. I’ve double checked the varieties against a bunch of places selling OP/Heirloom seeds, and they are heirloom. When you think about it, its the only way they could sell them regularly for 29 cents.

        Now, granted, you’re not getting a LOT of seeds, but there are a decent amount in them, and almost all of the varieties will last for at least 3 years. (The only exceptions would be the onions and the peppers – they only store well for 2 years).

        I’m stockpiling these for barter and/or use. If the S doesn’t HTF, well, I’ll give them to my local church for charity work before they will go bad. So it’s a win-win-win all around.

        • Michele says:

          Well, the closest Menards to me is in Casper, WY, a mere 811 miles away!

          I’ll check at Walmart later today and see if they put their seeds on sale.

          Thanks for the info.

        • Encourager says:

          I got the ‘eye roll’ too, from DH after, again, hitting the seed packages at Menards. I thought I was going to pay 10 cents a package but they rang up for 5 cents. My hubby immediately said – ‘you’re NOT going back to get more!’ lol
          I was hunting for something else this morning and came across a small brown bag with the word “seeds” on it. It was packed full of seed packages….yippee!!

  20. AM/HighDesert says:

    As a working mom of 2 young children, all I can think of when I get home is NOT going out. I do believe prepping is a lifestyle (years ago people would comment how they would come to my house when the SHTF – I didn’t realize I was “prepping”) just like always having to be entertained is a lifestyle. When me husband became severly disabled (there is a HUGE loss there:( ), the prepping got amped up a bit. He’s on board because now he realizes that tragedy can strike anyone at anytime. I’m sorry for your loss – but if there is no buy-in from your sig. other, then maybe it’s time to surround oneself with those who do buy-in. I wish you well.

  21. Uncle Charlie says:

    SD: Welcome to my life, but I can’t really blame it on prepping. It was about guns and a dog, two of life’s necessities…just like barbecue on marbled rye. Boy you just made me hungry. But we remain friends and occasionally have meals together and see each other at family gatherings. She got the house and I got the condo which is now under water (figuratively speaking; for any Floridians reading, you have my smypathy). We just observed our 43rd wedding anniversary by going out to breakfast. In July, we will even spend a week at the beach with old (literally and figuratively) friends. We discussed prepping this morning at breakfast and she is storing food and water in her basement.

  22. TarHeel says:

    I’ll try to explain my situation without drawing too much heat. I consider myself very lucky in my relationship with my wife. When we first met we were both divorcees having gone through bad first marriages. I had been divorced for 12 years and my wife had been divorced for 5 years plus she had 2 smaller children. Both of us had become strongly independent in our ways living the single life. She had a good job with a sizable savings and property from her first marriage. I had just about the same since my first ex wife just walked away with half the savings and left me with the house and some other property. She just wanted out with no complications and I agreed plus there were no children from our marriage.

    When my present wife and I decided to get married there were many things we had to work out between us the first being our finances. We agreed that the money and property she had would remain hers and the money and property I had would remain mine, in other words two separate accounts for our checking and savings.
    This is the way it works. Every week I give her money to pay bills, utilities or whatever and she makes up the difference which is about equal to what I give her. Big purchases for the house or anything else are shared equally by both of us(on agreement of course). Both of us put her two children through college with very little help from her ex. If she wants a new vehicle or anything else she buys it with her money and If I want something I buy it with my money.

    Now we get to the prepping. I wanted to start prepping about 3 years ago but she wanted nothing to do with it and actually thought I had gone completely bonkers. But that didn’t stop me, after all it was my money I was spending not hers so she didn’t complain. How could she. After a while she became curious about my prepping and asked why I was doing it. I told her to research what was going on in the world and so she did. Now I think she understands why I prep and helps a little now and again. But I can tell you one thing, she has stopped rolling her eyes at me.
    So that’s the way it works with us. We have never had an argument over money and we live a comfortable and happy life. By the way I am retired now and she’s working on it and both the kids have moved on to their lives in professional careers. This lifestyle has worked for us for the last twenty seven years because neither of us controls all the money. It’s like a loving partnership, but that’s just us.

  23. I have a friend who met his new bride after dating 48 different women from online dating sites. During the dating process, he discovered that there are dating sites particular to people with certain interests or problems. For example, there are sites that are only for gay people or only for people with Herpes. Maybe one of us needs to have a light bulb go off in our heads and start a Prepper/Survival Dating Site.

    • SurvivorDan says:

      Good idea Gwen, but for Opsec we’d have to use proxy servers, throw away cell phones, wear disguises and meet at neutral ground.

      “Turn left at the big rock that looks like a bear and make a right when you see the bear that looks like a big rock. Stop and park next to the Saguaro with a blue X painted on it. Turn on your brights and flash three times. Then, blow the horn twice. I’ll be the little Asian guy with a curly blond wig and a big fake nose.” Lol.

    • Giggle. Someone beat you to it. See http://survivalistsingles.com/.

      ~ Sandy Taylor

      • SurvivorDan says:

        Holy cats! There is such a site! Ain’t it grand?!!!

        • SurvivorDan says:

          If I weren’t a new dedicated member of the He-man-women-haters-club I’d……..http//surviavlistsin……..nah.
          Well, maybe just a peek…..

          • Chilly Beaver says:

            Sorry to hear about your situation Dan, and MD as well, Ive got a step on you though, broke up with my GF of 9 years the day before Valentines Day this year. The good news is it does get better. Even though a lot of the preps left, along with finances and storage space, Im in great spirits. For the first time in 10 years I get to worry about what I want, instead of sacrificing for others, its kinda neat. I dont have a clue what to do with this new found freedom yet, but Ill get there. Might be time to check out that survivalistsingles site and see if they’ve got any western Canadian ladies. lol

      • Haha, that’s great! You gotta love the entrepreneurial spirit of this country, even though the left would love to tax and regulate it to death!

      • NANN!/Cruzette says:

        Thanks Sandy! LOL

      • NANN!/Cruzette says:

        I was just discussing the survivalist singles (& other dating sites) with my daughter. She just emailed me “mom’s dating profile”, which gave me a good chuckle….though I’m not really a man-hater.

        ***I’m a hard working, over-worked man-hating woman who would rather spend my time at home with my cats and German Shepard than to deal with a real person.
        I enjoy doing online surveys, selling my cheating ex-husbands crap, Prepping ,and cleaning my guns.***

  24. Roy Patterson says:

    My former girlfriend thought I was crazy when I suggested we stock up on Survival Supplies. Luckly I wasn’t married to her. I sent her packing. I have decided that if they aren’t with you, they are going to cause more trouble than they are worth.

  25. Sorry to hear about this…

  26. I’m sorry your different perspectives caused such friction yet I can kinda understand. Me, I see myself as practical and Prepping is just an extension of being practical. My life partner (I no longer call him by anything else) is what I consider a doom & gloomer. Everything is doom & gloom…. all day…. every day… every subject/topic/issue. Worse, he tends to repeat things so I get the same doom & gloom for days on end till next topic, but wait! we have new news on doom & gloom #1 so let’s rehash that again…. Sigh
    Attitude, I could agree more
    Present issues “safely” in a manner the other can digest/absorbe
    Else you end up as you did…. or as I am, living different lives from within the same building, partners but not lovers….
    Part of me hopes some of his doom & gloom comes to light else I fear his emotional state if nothing at all happens.

  27. I’m sorry your different perspectives caused such friction yet I can kinda understand. Me, I see myself as practical and Prepping is just an extension of being practical. My life partner (I no longer call him by anything else) is what I consider a doom & gloomer. Everything is doom & gloom…. all day…. every day… every subject/topic/issue. Worse, he tends to repeat things so I get the same doom & gloom for days on end till next topic, but wait! we have new news on doom & gloom #1 so let’s rehash that again…. Sigh
    Attitude, I could agree more
    Present issues “safely” in a manner the other can digest/absorbe
    Else you end up as you did…. or as I am, living different lives from within the same building, at best: partners but not lovers….
    Part of me hopes some of his doom & gloom comes to light else I fear his emotional state if nothing at all happens.

  28. As someone who is trying deperately to get the wife on board I empathize with you SD! It certainly does not help when there are already issues aside from the prepping – like in my case. It’s just one more difference in perspective. Even if I get mine to admit she sees something significant evolving, she is still not willing to act. Economic collapse will not be a single event but a long drawn out scenario, so the real preps must be part of the way you live – a way of thinking a way of living – of raising your kids and its not the Disney vacations/ Dancing with the stars / constant kid’s sports lifestyle either. Having children in the house is the only thing keeping us from splitting up.. Meanwhile I can hope and pray she changes her view . I hate divorce and I believe it is yet another way that evil forces and people are destroying our country and world from the bottom up.. I am impressed that you are putting a positive light on a hurtful situation – That is a classic survivor characteristic.

    All that being said, if my marriage goes to pot, I’m gonna find me the right Asian woman. “American women stay away from me !! American woman mama let me be eee…. ! “

  29. SurvivorDan says:

    Dear Rachel: Too much joy in just living. I’ve been beaten, shot, stabbed and otherwise had peoples furiously intent on killing me. (DOD and LEO) When you live through that sh*t…..you tend to appreciate how good just being alive is and how much fun you can make it. Hope the other half gets to realize how good things can be.
    Even this recent set back doesn’t have me daunted. Life in America (even under this regime) has too many opportunities.
    Remember that fella, Dood? From the Philippines. Third world country, tuff to prep, hard to survive TEOTWAWKI but he keeps on prepping! Love his attitude! Hey Dood!
    There’as no need for doom and gloom.
    We’ve got it pretty good here…..

    • Hey SD! thanks for that compliment..yes still prepping, one peso at a time! and the PACK continuously inspire and pushes me! Thanks to all of you! my preps are simple, I have a local bolo made by local craftsman from scrap iron worth P200.oo (4 USD) (with many mods now) unlike the K-Bars and Ontario Machete you guys have, but it gives me some level of prep and peace of mind that I have something to use if a fallen tree cuts my way. I learned here bout full first aid kit that I slowly completed and now a very useful “tool” for my family…as I said before, mindset of prepping is one of the best driver on all these…and I’m glad I have MD and the PACK as co-pilots!

  30. SurvivorDan says:

    Hang in there kiddo!

  31. martypie70 says:

    SO SORRY IT HURTS CAUSE YOU LOST A PART OF YOU ITS LIKE A DEATH.BEEN THERE BUT I STILL LOVE HIM IAM LOST.

  32. recoveringidiot says:

    SD, I can see ( I think) that you have jumped this ditch landed square on both feet and will keep on going just fine. I won’t tell my sorry story again but I’ll say that I’m alone and it ain’t so bad. Wish I could meet a woman that sees the world like I do but they are far and few around here. Most are all about appearances, the nice new vehicle and fancy home no matter how far in debt they have to go to get it. I know not all women are like that and that a bunch of men are just as bad. I read the posts of some of the “pack” ladies and think, Ha! wish I had a woman like that!

    Hope things work out well for you and the ex.

    • SurvivorDan says:

      recoveringidiot:
      If I wasn’t a dedicated new member of the He-men-women-haters-club (just kidding ladies), I’d say there really oughta be a prepper/survival dating service.
      Well…Gwen. It was your idea. Get ‘er going!

    • worrisome says:

      Actually, SD, there is a dating service like that. MD posted something about it………..most all of us said like hell………you would have to let someone know what you were doing I think ….

    • Perhaps you need to take a look at other cultures , ours is beyond repair at this point . I found that eastern europeans are more suited to my outlook than our women for the reasons you just mentioned . I my case , Russian women . I have a friend that married a Polish woman , and he seems quite happy . People that have lived under the boot of communism tend to have a completely different outlook on life than those that have had everything handed to them . Just sayin .

      • SurvivorDan says:

        That makes sense TR. People who have faced real adversity are stronger for it.

        • I found that generally speaking , at least with the ones I’ve met , that they value family as the top priority and things are not that high on the list because they could be taken away at anytime for many reasons ………so its not a real high priority for long term happiness .

  33. It is hard , until I found my sweety , I was running two women , and at one time three . Now before I get yelled at , I know it wasn’t probably the most ethical thing to do , but they all had qualities the others lacked that I was attracted to , not to mention that if one was acting ” funny ” I still had the others . It took about two years of stress , juggling , and keeping track of BS before I knew which one I should commit ( fully ) to . Prepping acceptance was one of the criteria for long term plans ( that and NO DOGS ) . Sorry to hear about your situation , look at it as another chapter that you have to get past . Hang tough .

  34. Hey brother, thank you for this article. Through your hardship, may others have better fortune. God bless.

  35. Mother Earth says:

    SD, It sounds like you are a great guy, so I say…her loss. My DH does not support my prepping efforts. I really think he doesn’t believe anything bad will happen…like bad things are not already happening! Many days I want to run screaming and never come back. No way am I leaving my preps though!

  36. Hi SD-
    I am very sad for your loss. The loss of a marriage, especially one that obviously had many positive merits, is like the loss of a beloved family member. You have to go through a mourning period, and never really forget what it felt like when the marriage was alive. It does hurt a little less as time passes. My first marriage ended about 13 years ago, and I still feel badly when I think of it. Though I suffered through years of physical abuse and lived through my (then) DH’s spiraling substance abuse, lying, and stealing before finally giving in to the inevitable end, it wasn’t always bad… and what was good about that relationship I’ve kept alive in myself. It changed me in a permanent way, and I hope a positive way.
    Sounds like you are on your way to finding a similar kind of peace within yourself, and it is not going to take you nearly as long as it did me to get here!
    I wish you a quick return to normalcy and happiness.
    Peace and God Bless,
    Cat

  37. MountainSurvivor says:

    Nuts make the world go round. They’ll save the day of many. They’ll loan their shells to other nuts in need. They’ll sustain others with their meat. They’ll target enemies in a camouflaged fashion. What’s there not to love about nuts.

  38. Survivor Dan…thank goodness you are now free to live the life you are meant to…and do what you want to…without acrimony and dissent from others.

    Pointless having regrets – you gave it your best shot…and the time for the relationship is now spent and in the past…and all the wonderful possibilities of the future are ahead of you.

    Take the time during this grieving period to understand what it is that makes you happy – and it may not necessarily mean another partner right away…

    What are the range of activities that just make you jump out of bed eager for the day…and when you have the answers – then, if you want to share those activities with another, of like mind…it’s your choice – and those now known activities will be the subject of many discussions and talks while you do get to know one another – when it is time.

    Now, however, you are free to do, teach, share with many others in your surrounding area all the prep stuff you want – lots of scouts/cubs groups you can share your knowledge with – clubs to join – and you may just run into someone, who may be introduced to you by a like minded person – who is a prepper too, or amiable to the lifestyle…

    Do your due diligence first…take them canoeing, camping, trekking, cook outdoors – in all kinds of weather, ride bikes along mountain trails, frequent archery and rifle range attendances, maybe attend a first-aid course together…this gives you both an opportunity to see how multi-dimensional the other is – and your respective strengths and weaknesses – and what are deal breakers… you get the picture.

    You are being given another chance at happiness…excellent opportunity don’t you think?

    Also, if you don’t find anyone – what does that matter…just get out there and experience the joys of being a single adult – free to come and go as you please, take off for days at a time, with no schedule – free to stop and fish whenever you want, chat and visit with friends whenever you want…prep and stack all the stuff as high as you want, at any time of the day or night…

    When SHTF – you will be in a far stronger position with a ready, willing and able partner, than without.

    Think of 2 strong oak trees – with their branches all entwined…and have been that way for years…they are stronger precisely because they are similar, and their branches support each other…take away one of the oak trees, and the remaining oak is no longer strong…

    So, maybe you now realize that you did not have the support of the other oak tree.

    The beauty of it is, you are not an oak tree, forever planted and immovable always in the one spot and destined to fall over in the next strong wind because of the lack of support.

    You are instead free to find and entwine your branches with a supporting other – when it’s time, and then no matter what storms and winds come when SHTF – you will both lend the same strength to the other, as you are both similar and supportive…just like you see those big old strong oak trees you see around the place.

    Be sure to send kind mental wishes to Mrs SD… that she too finds life better in the future, as life is too short to waste any energy in fruitless anger or regrets…

    hope this helped…cheers.

    • village idiot says:

      Good gracious, that was inspiring, chloe. You helped me with that post, even though it was intended for Dan. There is much wisdom in the Wolfpack.

      • VI, indeed there is wisdom in the pack…we are all unique and individual…have our own perspectives and experiences – and together we support one another…win-win for all of us…cheers.

    • SurvivorDan says:

      Thanks chloe. I did indeed immediately take a solitary (took my big pit) 4 day trek through the White Mountains (TFMrs.SD always fought me on that sort of thing). It was wonderful. Elk, deer and one bear. Caught a few trout for the pup and myself.
      As to the kind thoughts for TFMrs.SD; she is still my dear friend and I will always have good relations with her.

      • SD….good to hear that- and glad you were able to share – takes much strength to open up and talk about your pain…

        and, you are not the first, nor the last person, who will endure a break-up…and your story will no doubt help others who are in similar circumstances…so, chin up old chap…there are more chapters in your life – to be fully experienced and enjoyed…cheers.

  39. Cold Warrior says:

    We’ve been married for 31 years. I learned early on: 1.Keep the romance in a relationship. 2. She will always attemmpt to be the leader, never let that happen! It’s her way of making you a better man.

    My wife understands that I prep out of a deep conviction that the poop is about to hit the fan, and it’s my duty as the leader to take care of us.
    In other words, I prep out of love for her, thus ROMANCE. :-))

  40. Kelekona says:

    Well, peace at home is one reason why I stay dialed back to level 1. (Disaster preparedness only.) Fortunately, there are a few things that overlap with mental prepping that he’s on-board with, like him learning old-fashioned woodworking. Like me learning and practicing sewing, cooking, and gardening.

    He’s the one making the money, so it’s his say how often we go out together. I don’t mind being given “an allowance” since it’s the easiest way to keep finances in order, and generous enough that I can get preps in order.

    I also did talk with him about different issues, and he actually did propose some plans I didn’t think of. With the lack of a wilderness survival bunker, the only Mountain House prep I have in mind is to see if I can spout enough Mayan prophesy doom-saying at my aunt to make her paranoid. (Hey, she bought a case of Spam for Y2K.)

  41. michael c says:

    You lucky SOB – while you had a marriage and kids for decades – I had no one. Being such a social autistic I was never able to be with some one. Even if I discount the first 20 years of my life as adolescent bad luck – I really hated being alone for the next 30+ years.

    The morel of the story, it’s better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. I also don’t have to worry whether I survive (no ex wife, kids to worry about) the brown fan crunch. I don’t even consider myself a prepper – there is no one to prep for.

    • michael c,

      That’s just sad…

      • michael c says:

        MD,

        It is but – it could cheer up SD – knowing that there are worse fates.

    • Michael c…you’re not kidding me…the fact that you are on a survival site speaks volumes in case you haven’t noticed.

      Perhaps you and SD can check in with one another on this site…compare options and strategies for prepping on ones own.

      I prep on my own…for my DD and SIL…and some close friends, and for whoever may come into my sphere of influence.

      And guess what, none of us have any guarantee that we are going to use/rely on our preps…for a SHTF event.

      What would you say if I told you that one day…who knows when this might be…you see a family who have recently become homeless, or see a group of people who are wandering through your town…and you know you can spare the assorted ripe fruit that are hanging from your assorted trees…and some clean blankets etc, etc.

      Would you tell me that you offered them bags full of the assorted fruits? Well that is a prep – and a good one. And a very good start.

      Do you still think the SHTF hasn’t already happened for them…will you still say ‘…there is no one to prep for’ when you see these people.

      Also, you are looking at the small picture…may I respectfully suggest that it is possible for you to choose to broaden your vision.-

      Because there is everyone to prep for…everyone who is in your vicinity or crosses your path, and needs something you have and can spare, or perhaps even if you can’t spare it without experiencing some pain or difficulty.

      Also, none of us have to worry about surviving either…as none of us are getting out of here alive…

      yep, we all die eventually – some even of old age…so, either way, the time is going to pass – whether you prep for someone or not.

      It’s your choice how you choose to spend the time you have been given…are you happy and satisfied with your choices, if so – well done, if not…have a go..it’s your life.

      If you have questions about solo prepping…there are many on this site who are doing the same thing…so, looking forward to seeing more of your posts…

      Cheers.

      • michael c says:

        Chloe,
        Reading a “survival site” and posting do not mean that I am a prepper – trolls read and post too.

        Something tells me that SD is going to get back on the horse that threw him. Solitary confinement will drive people mad especially after 20+ years of company. MD might too – depends on how long he has (he is quite comfortable not seeing any faces for months at a time, Paraphrased from “Facts about MD”)

        Prepping on your own is OK but the “all night security detail” problem is a tough one to solve alone.

        As for the people that may cross my path – I am too introverted to just run out and say HI to total strangers – I’ll probably be alone for a long time.

        Thanks for trying to cheer me up.

  42. northcentral kansas says:

    About a month ago I was at a prep meeting and found someone great, her dad is a prepper and she’s on board with what I’m doing, she knows why we hunt, fish, wear camo, carry guns/ weapons, have packs ready to go, and why we are willing to protect the innocent from evil, which her home town has a lot of.

  43. Southern Belle says:

    SD,
    I am truly sorry for your loss. I know firsthand how painful divorce can be but I also believe that everything happens for a reason. It sounds like you had many happy times and that is what you should remember.

    As for my relationship, I must admit that I am the one who never wanted to think anything bad could happen. I just was raised always to look for the good and not focus on the negative. I was that irritating “glass is half full” kinda girl. My dh and I have three amazing kids and the thought of anything bad happening scared me to death. However, I now know that by prepping I am helping keep our family prepared and, in turn, keeping us safer. My dh was deployed three times and he described the poverty he saw in Iraq and Afghanistan. He saw people fighting over food and children crying from hunger. He saw social unrest at it highest level and what happens to people when society collapses. I prep now just in case something happens be it natural disasters or anything else. I use coupons to build our stockpile and shop at thrift stores and goodwill for extra supplies. I have slowly gotten over my fear of guns and have begun to learn how to shoot. (I would never admit it to my dh but I actually enjoy it. :o) I am more open to understanding OPSEC and am more cautious when out and about. I don’t focus on the negative but I don’t stick my head in the sand anymore either.

    I will keep both you and the Mrs. in my prayers and I hope you find happiness in your prepping future. BTW: I think that it was a rather upstanding thing to make sure the Mrs had some prep stuff after the split. It speaks to your character and the love you both must have had for one another.

    SB

  44. Thanks for a great article Survivor Dan. I can relate well to it, I had been separated for 9 years now (no divorce here, thank God!), my ex-SD is now working abroad and I have my three kids. I never had the chance to introduce prepping to her coz i started this prepping only when I am solely managing the household, when its needs are highlighted by a major storm. My meager salary, plus the upkeep of the house and schooling of my three kids is seriously on the way of my prepping (as some of you may have seen my post and meager per-payday-limited prepping) but I am into it seriously!
    Hope things will work out with you, am putting a little of my prayer for you, if that’s ok, you are not Survivor Dan for nothing!

  45. Dan,sorry you two couldnt make it work-hope you tried counseling.My husband is ok with it- thinks I am a tad over the edge. He got on board more after seeing the National Geographic dvd on Solar storms. Our adult kids are glad I am prepping but…
    I am sure there are a lot of good prepping woman out there who would adore you-but spending some time alone is good for each of us.
    Thanks for all you are doing. Hugs, Arlene

  46. SD, I’m sorry that happened to you. I guess it can go either way. After we lost everything, DW doubled down and is a full blown dollar saving, penny pinching, coupon clipping, can we use just solar power, TEOTWAWKI prepping, we’re going to survive if I have to drag you, kind of girl. Even though I can be a bit too much doom and gloom, she makes sure that we take time to put the fun meter into the green. Life is too short to not be lived. I’m praying that you and the former Mrs SD will remain good friends and find peace with each other.

  47. SD, your approach and suggestions are well thought out and level headed. Maybe the missus will come back when the shtf.