Questions and Answers with The Wolf Pack : Dealing with a non-compatible spouse?



Question from Anonymous Prepper

How does one handle a spouse that has absolutely no desire to do anything to prepare and basically has a denial mentality that anything is going to happen. When confronted with even the slightest situation locally, nationally or worldwide you then are a gloom and doom doomsdayer.

My choices are stick my head in the sand and go along for the ride, do what I am doing now prepping as I can with my funds that I generate, find people that could befriend us ( a very tough situation with a closed minded individual) or the most severe situation (and it’s building to this) “growing incompatibility” divorce.

Comments

  1. riverrider says:

    cut your losses. if they don’t back you on this, they probly don’t back you on anything. time is too short to bs around waiting/hoping they’ll change.

    • Babycatcher says:

      I wish there was a like button for this. Sometimes ya just gotta let them go their way. By the time the former spouse realizes you were right, it will be too late, but, you tried to tell them…

      • 2 things;
        1are you sure it is just the prepping or is there some reason for the burrs under her saddle? don’t be too hasty.
        2if it is bad remember that the hitler youth turned on their relatives and that can happen again to you.
        what’s her resentment level.

        oh i forgot. are there children? big factor.

  2. Im with River rider on this. I couldnt be married to someone who was so unaware of the current and real probabilities of our life changing in a dramatic way,that they wouldnt see it as prudent to at least store food,water,guns/ammo.

  3. Only you can make the decision about whether to divorce or not, but it is very likely that it is not preps causing the problem.

    My suggestion, because I REALLY believe we do not have much more than a year, is to do something soon, divorce or get counseling or whatever.

    Does logic work on this person? If so, you could at least see if the logic of stores of food at today’s prices will enable us to be comfortably in our retirement.

    Do NOT stick your head in the sand though, if divorce is the way you decide to go – and remember there are consequences to that as well – then get it done.

    Just don’t wait around – Do something – We don’t have long.

    • And – remember, it is likely that you will be unable to find another partner before TSHTF – so take that into consideration as well and if you decide to divorce, find another support system – family, like minded friends.

      DH and I lived 8 hours apart by car, and 18 hours by train when we first met. Before he came down to meet me for the first time, I told him I wanted him to bring pictures of his stores – before I showed him mine – because I wanted to be sure he was REALLY a prepper, and not a big mouth wanna be.

      Make sure your like minded friends are really like minded.

      • Survivor says:

        You’ll be able to find all the partners you want after SHTF!! They’ll come out of the wood work…

      • Michele

        Might I disagree with you on him finding a new mate? there are a ton of women out there looking for nice, stable and caring guys. And with internet dating/comparability sites out there anyone with half a brain and some social skills can get a date/spouse.

  4. worrisome says:

    Divorce depends upon your ability to take care of yourself. That is the first thing that you need to figure out.

    Often an important item to one person that is being ignored by the other is symptomatic of the whole relationship. If that is so, then perhaps you do need to move on. But if on all other areas of your relationship things are well, then perhaps you need to continue to work on getting things together on your own.

    • Hey sweetie,

      Are you still going to be in the central valley at Easter? If so, I’d like to invite you to a party in El Dorado (Sierra Foothills) the day before.

      • worrisome says:

        I may be. Right now, we are trying to confirm whether my Grandson who is in the Navy on a ship in the middle east is going to be home or where. We want to be on the dock when he arrives back in Norfolk, Va. At the moment, he was set to return on 4/18……….but at this moment all plans are on hold because we rec’d a message the other day that all plans are cancelled and their tour of duty extended. So can I get back to ya on that? :_) Sounds like something fun to do though.

        • LittleAnniePrepper says:

          Ah, reminds me of the days of being a Navy wife before DH retired. There’s nothing like standing there and watching the ship come in with everyone lined up along the deck. Almost makes me long for those days. Sending up a prayer his tour of duty is not extended for too much longer. Makes it hard on the wife (or husband) and kids.

          • Worrisome says:

            I am going to be terrible! Makes me tear up just thinking about it. For some reason all the grandsons are big time homebodies. Very attached to us moms and grand moms. He grew up in my kitchen and I miss him awful! But I made him a promise to be there. He wanted his mom and I to be the first people he sees when that boat comes in. Still signs his letters and emails “I love you to infinity and beyond!”

          • Lol, I used to watch the webcam in downtown San Diego and tell DD when the ship was passing underneath the Coronado bridge. The noise level when she started hollering that “They’re under the bridge!” was deafening!! Even half a continent away!! It was really cool watching it and always made my heart swell with patriotic pride….

        • Yes, you can, and as much as I’d love to meet you, I’ll hope that your grandson is on time instead.

          However if that is not to be, keep in touch. The party is a lot of fun, way out in the boondocks (you’ll swear by the time you get there, you were sure you were lost, and it was 500 miles in), she usually has a band or two. It is potluck, and bring a lawn chair if you have one, because chairs are in short supply. Any little ones need to bring a doz eggs.

      • SoCalPrepper says:

        Love that area. I went to kindergarten in Placerville! My family is from Rocklin – lived there since the 1940s.

        • If you are still in the area you’re welcomed too – as is any of the wolf pack.

          The property belongs to my mother (this is how I know I can invite people). My brother and sister- in-law live on the property as well, and they are NOT preppers (no, not everyone in my family has brains) and it’s a big party and lots of fun.

          • Michele;
            We would take you up on the offer but dh is slowly healing an we can not leave the home except for doctor appointments. Sounds like a wonder day hope you have a great time. As the say “wish we could be there”.
            Maybe there will be another time that we can get together and share our life style with others in the area.

  5. Buckwheat says:

    Maybe she has not seen true poverty. A day or two vacation to Venezuela would be cheaper than immediately cutting your losses. Go to a grocery store in a “middle-class” neighborhood. Maybe lay over in Peru. India or Africa are also options but much further away. The beggars are relentless. She needs to see desperation up close. It might cost you a week and $2,500 or less but it is still cheaper than a divorce. Do a charity vacation with a church to serve a mission. My wife went to El Salvadore 2 years ago with a dental group and came back changed. We have been to Argentina and watched groups of people digging through the trash in public squares to salvage ANYTHING they could. We have been chased in Peru by beggars once we ran out of U.S. quarters. Those images do not go away easily. And we did not see the worst of it. The first time she sees leprosy up close is the last time she will ever view the world the same.

    One word of warning – “growing incompatibility” could be extensively documented in court (guns, ammo, food storage, sanity, etc.).

    Also, for the record, there are many of us here that fight with their spouses on a regular basis about prepping.

    • Buckwheat says:

      Also, before I offend, I have met some preparedness challenged males as well. The anon prepper didn’t specify the gender of spouse.

      • Buckwheat says:

        Another thought as well – renting an air conditioned storage room and cramming it with preps is still cheaper than divorce. SHTF, the spouse will come around. Make sure to stock up on mindset books.

      • Chicken little says:

        Buckwheat,

        My husband was one of those preparedness challenged males. Right up until one town over had a tornado. We had no power for 1 week. Followed by micro burst a week later that knocked down trees and wires blocking us in with no power. Then the crazy snow storm that came in oct while the leaves were still on trees. Looked like a war zone. Spent the night hearing one tree after another snap and crash all around our house. No power for another week. He was real happy I had a propane cookstove, Kerosene heater, Solar shower I filled with water heated up and the mr. buddy heater. He realized how lucky he was to wake up to coffee I made with perculator and a way to shower and a warm house. It was so good to hear him say that he was glad I had all that stuff. He did not know beforehand I purchased all this stuff. He knew this country was heading for disaster but those storms opened his eyes. He doesn’t do any prepping but no longer discourages me. I agree that his wife needs to see or live some hardship and go without coffee.

  6. seeuncourt says:

    Try pointing out recent natural disasters and show how the people waiting in endless lines for water or gasoline were victimized a second time by each other, fema, etc. Wildfire, hurricane, blizzard, tornado, etc. Make good discussion fodder, especially if your spouse thinks you are of the tin hat variety. Another approach is to point out chicken and pork processed in China, grain products made in India, etc., and campaign for food self sufficiency. Growing a garden and purchasing from a local csa is “prepping” as well. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater without trying to turn the focus to independence and self-sufficiency. Doomsday prospers hosed us all, thanks nat geo.

    • seeuncourt,
      Keep in mind that all of those examples only happen to other people, not me. Until of course, they do. Normalcy bias is a real problem with most people.

  7. Oh boy I’m getting the shakes, speaking from your p.o.v. I can tell you your probably on your way now, Rent a storage locker and put your preps in it pronto(plus anything else of value) and get ready for a rough ride.My own personal story is OPSEC gets blown and YOU get drug thru the mud my ex actually contacted my lawyer and told him I was a survivalist (she was too) and he had better look out.If you want anything in your house get it now, contact your attorney and tell him what you did.and do not under any circumstances meet your ex in private, If by some chance you get your act together don’t give up your locker!Good Luck it gets better (really).

    • Lake Lili says:

      Have to agree with Ronald here. If she is Sunshine Sally and hates to see negative in anything, that’s one thing, but if she is a Mall Princess that just wants a nice smooth ride that’s another. You loved her once enough to marry her so phrasing it as insurance and for her protection might work, but I suspect you’ve already done that, hence the divorce discussion. If you are really considering the Big D get a lawyer now, then get your stuff out now before you come home, find the locks changed and yourself being served papers. By stuff I also mean those important family heirlooms you inherited. If you can insure them under your own name so that they don’t get included as community property.

      If you own papered guns then sell them to someone who can give you a paper trail and will sell them back to you later. Don’t allow for anything that can be misinterpreted. If you belong to a gun club – go talk to the board – they may be willing to suspend your membership while this is in the pipeline – they’ve likely dealt with this before.

      Then start to build a reputation that can’t be muddied, i.e. get to church and be active in it… take the kids, make sure your bills are paid and up to date, no outstanding child support, get your name off joint credit cards and bank accounts, help the little old lady next door, volunteer, if you have kids be at every game/play/teacher meeting, etc.

      If the house is jointly owned, talk to the bank manager, have a good relationship and in this market, be prepared to walk away from the house rather than be stuck with the payments. If your spouse takes the house/car/boat then make sure your name is off all ownership.

      Finally put all your prep information onto a memory stick and get your computer cleaned – or get a second computer for prep stuff. If it takes a year for this to go through then you need to be squeaky clean. Best of luck.

  8. Had a similar issue with my wife, handled it thusly:
    1: Watch the TV show Jerico
    B: Mention that you are uncomfortable not knowing what you would do if one of you lost your job, and that having some self stable food stocked away would make you happier. Start small.
    Third: Watch the TV show Walking Dead

    Basically, you need to start with small, perfectly reasonable things. A little extra food in the house, some bottles of water in the Chest Freezer (in case the power goes out, don’t’ want everything to defrost, right honey?). Some extra cash in the safe, because it’s nice to know you could just grab some paper money and run to the store if you needed to.

    Mention that these little things would make you happy, and then do them. Eventually, you move what appears normal to her further and further towards what you want to have. Baby Steps.

    • Hary, I absolutely agree with B. Prepping doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a conspiracy nut. Anything can happen…lose your job, weather disaster, etc. In my case, I get laid off every winter. Having a good stock of food and supplies could get you through rough times.

    • This is exactly how I started w/my DH, when he would question my actions I would just reply “you never know what may happen”.
      He is a smart man, watches CNN and reads. It took a while but he came around. I couldn’t imagine divorcing him over prepping, he has so many other great things going for him. The difference may be he never tried to stop me from prepping.
      If your DW actually tries to foil your attempts or belittles you, prepping may just be the excuse for other things going bad.

      • R-Me,
        “He is a smart man, watches CNN and reads”
        Smart and watches CNN, Hmm, I’ll have to think about that one, LOL.

        • OP,
          Guess I should have just said he keeps up on current events and can see the downward spiral. Add in the unusual bad winter weather we had he is moremthan on board!

        • Corporate News Network
          Brought to you by those stand up people at the IMF, World Bank, Federal Reserve and NSA.

  9. Something attracted you both to each other, do you remember what it was? Does that still exist? If you were not a prepper today, would there be a problem in your marriage? I ask these questions because having a spouse who is not on the same level as you as a prepper is not a deal-breaker right now, for very few spouses are compatible on everything at the same time. As each person changes the other adjusts, sometimes slowly and sometimes never, to the changes taking place in their spouse. What matters, however, is whether or not she can quickly get up to speed when the SHTF on some future day.

    Would your wife be fit, willing, and able to take the life of another to defend you or herself? If forced into the situation (as we all will be someday) could she work hard, endure hardship, live frugally, keep family secrets, and suffer various other difficulties in life without excessive complaining?

    If she is a diva who complains about service in the nail spa, likes fine wine and exquisite dining, refuses to be seen in a thrift store, shuns out-of-style clothing, hates cooking, doesn’t know what to do with a shovel, and abhors violence then there are some serious warning signs here.

    However, if she can quickly become like you as a prepper having a survival mindset she will not only appreciate your preps immediately after the SHTF, but she will also become a solid partner which benefits your survival plans.

    If the compatibility which exists today is unlikely to ever change then you have some serious things to think about. If it’s simply a matter of getting her on board, now or later, then be patient. Show her real examples of situations which are happening to people every single day as they are reported in the news: People forced to flee their homes immediately during home fire or wildfire, a family being lost for a week in the desert after their car broke down, those who bunker down for or flee a hurricane, various victims of one thing or another, etc. Start with the little things that happen to people each day and (hopefully) she will see the need to prep for these things, such as buying a fire extinguisher for the home. Over time she may start to develop a prepper mindset without even realizing it and then she will be more open to additional possible scenarios which might include economic collapse, pandemic, martial law, etc.

    It’s just a suggestion, one of many I hope you will receive from others, and hope it helps in some way.

    • +100 very well said. I’m a bit surprised how many here seem so quick to give up on non supportive spouses, but perhaps some are still dealing w/ issues from their own failed marriages. In my situation, my wife was not supportive & sometimes rolled her eyes. Then I accidently left a few prepper articles laying around the house, which she saw & read some of them. Several times, she commented on how they made sense. Thus she started to come around. & she began to accept some of my preps. I still didn’t tell her about some of my more radical stuff -like the bear spray packed away or the rat traps that could be baited to trap birds for food. But she accepted my spending limited funds for prepper stuff like food & water containers, & later things like emergency radios, flashlights, extra batteries & solar battery rechargers, etc. One key is to bring her/him along gradually.

      • hvaczach says:

        My wife is not fully onboard either, she is fine with me canning everything in sight, she loves to shoot so ammo purchases not an issue, and she was raised in a waste not family. With all that said I think she kind of at times thinks I take it too far. But in a good and loving relationship you understand we all have a different approach and you accept what you can, talk about what you don’t understand, and say no to what you cannot accept.

        • Southern Patriot says:

          Hvaczach,

          Very well said and sage advice. I’m in a similar situation and sometimes acceptance, with or without true empathy can be enough to get through. Just keep those preps going!

          • Rider of Rohan says:

            Well, in all honesty, would I rather be married to a Michele, worrisome or Bam Bam(and so many others here) when it comes to prepping? Yes, who wouldn’t. They are all aware, energetic, and motivated preppers, and would take on most of the prepping responsibilities in a household. But, bottom line, I’m not. My wife understands what can happen, but right now she is so tied up in her business duties that she honestly doesn’t have time. So I do most..all of our prepping. I do think prepping needs a feminine touch to fully succeed, but I try to do all I can, which is sometimes more than my wife wants me to do. But, every time she buys a part of $200 boots, I buy 3 more superpails of food. Or something more dear to my prepping heart. In any event, we will eat and be well protected, I sometimes worry that I don’t think of things a woman would think about. Maybe Michele, Bam Bam or worrisome, or perhaps another of our great ladies here would write an article on “Prepping for the lady in your life”. Just a thought.

            • worrisome says:

              Rider, well thank you very much sir! Until about 2008 or 2009 I was pretty oblivious and left all the worrying up to my husband, and worry he did! But in the last months of his life when I slowed down my work load to enjoy what we had left and he talked about his concerns for the future and I really listened, a $200 pair of boots would have been on my radar first. Now, unless those are hiking boots, chances are I would enjoy looking at them but find them useless. Normalcy Bias, which I wrote here about once, was as much a part of me as anybody else.

              IN light of the conversation, look to all three of us to help with some sort of article. But for this conversation, do your best Rider. Be observant, that is what my hubby did, and I got all kinds of nice surprises after he died on what he had set aside for us.

  10. Tactical G-Ma says:

    AP,
    Read book one of 299 Days. The possibility of something catastrophic happening is just too much for some people to wrap their mind around. Just because your spouse doesn’t want to prep doesn’t mean you should run out and get a divorce.
    It could be like they like riding dirt bikes and you don’t. Have a hobby developing pioneer skills and by a few extra cans of beans when on sale and don’t call it prepping. Do they have a hobby or interest that relates to self-reliance? Maybe if you get interested inwhat they are interested in. Say it’s cars or racing. Then after a while you can bring up CME or EMP, uses for old motor oil, storing gasoline, etc.
    And who doesn’t like to save money? How about coupon clipping?

    • SoCalPrepper says:

      I’m just into the third book of that series. That woman Lisa STRESSES me out. Ugh. I have several friends that are MDs, and none of them behave like that.

  11. You have an uphill battle but it can be won and it can be lost. Prepping is a form of insurance . Try explaining it that way . Make sure that they know you prep because you care about them . What issues do they throw back at you? Address those best you can. Most important you have to have a incident where a prep made their life easier be it an extra bag of chocolate chips ,an air pump in the trunk to fix that flat, a spare case of TP when they think there’s none at 11 pm on a Sunday night. One guy didn’t get his wife on board until a kitchen fire made their house unlivable on a Saturday night. She was wondering what they were going to do. He grabbed their bug out bags from an outbuilding and said lock the house and let’s go. The bags had plenty of cash, toiletries and clothing that didn’t smell of smoke. Supper that night at a nice place ,a hotel that night and breakfast the next morning with clean clothing ,she said something to the effect that she thought the fire would of cause more disruptions in their lives. He smiled and replied it’s called preparedness. He gets a compliant now and then still but it’s no an issue in their marriage because he made it personal and real to her.
    I’ve seen the roles reversed also but in this area that just ment the guy got more guns to play with and a wider verity of foods to eat.
    Good luck

  12. Anonymous Prepper,

    This is tough. M.D. has a section on getting your spouse on board in his latest book. My suggestion would be to take a look at your own behavior–what are you doing to cause your spouse to shut down when you talk about prepping? If you are constantly talking about what could happen, change your approach. As your spouse what he/she would do in this or that situation.

    The other suggestion I have is stealth prepping. When I began I didn’t tell my dh how much I was spending on preps. It took my dh a while to come around. I had to let him come to the conclusion that we needed to be prepared. Of course I helped him arrive at that conclusion.

    You might want to take the Myers-Briggs. I am an INTJ and my dh is an ESFP. We are polar opposites. I talk logic; he talks about how he feels. I solve problems; he observes that there is a problem. I am theoretical and he has to see things. Understanding how my dh approaches things, I understand how to best persuade him. For him, seeing is believing. So I started pointing out prices in the grocery store . . . how much more things cost now than last year. I started watching prepping movies and get him to talk about the movies. I tell him what’s going on in the world–economic collapse in Greece, social unrest in Venezuela, size of cattle herd in U.S., flu in China.

    • Buckwheat says:

      100+ on the personality issues. I took my wife to Costco in mid-Jan. Prices were up between 25 and 50% on many items we use frequently. 9.99 items were now 12.99 or 14.99.
      After months of telling her that food inflation is coming, that trip freaked her out – especially after I dropped the line ” this is just a small sample, imagine if there is a shortage and inflation because of panic demand. That will be crazy. Didn’t you see the Atlanta news stories at the grocery store with people fighting over bread?”
      On that day, I got the green light for 6 more months of food storage.
      In short, just like Bam Bam, I wait for the right moment (when she sees it happening) to remind that we are not immune. Then it is go-time.

      I also agree with several other comments – the clock is ticking…

      • My dh routinely reports increases in grocery store prices–”milk went up another 10 cents” this week.

        • hvaczach says:

          Amazing you said that just bought a gallon of store brand 2% today, it was 4.19 holy-crap cereal will be too-expensive too eat pretty soon.

          • hv,

            You can buy cereal for 70 percent off regular price. But $1 off coupons on ebay, $2 for 20 coupons and then use the coupons when the cereal is BOGO.

          • Survivor says:

            Gas is cheaper than milk!!!

    • That is so funny I’m an ENFP & dh is an ESTJ so all we miss is the “I”
      But I totally get what you’re saying on approaching the problem differently based on ‘how they think’

  13. Tactical G-Ma says:

    AP
    I hit submit before I wished you luck. Marriage is often a compromise and this might be something you have to decide is worth not doing.
    Good luck and God Bless.

  14. Since I didn’t see the gender of your spouse mentioned I’ll come at this 2 ways.

    If you are male, taking care of your family is YOUR responsibility! If your wife does not want to participate, that makes things tougher but not impossible. However, you should be mindful that if things come to a split, your preps could be in danger. It is a shame to have to keep secrets, but that may have to be the road you need to travel.

    If you are female, putting away extra is part of your side of caring for your family. Although the man is charged with the responsibility, most homes are run/managed by the woman. If your husband is so blinded to the need to prepare for anything, then your ability to hind modest preparations from him should be relatively easy.

    In either case, things will be tough. Your preps will never be as well rounded as they should/could. I handle this as the primary in my house, however my DW’s input is needed and appreciated. She sees things I miss, like the need for feminine hygiene products. Since we are “past that need” at my house, I didn’t even consider them. Plus my nature goes toward planning and avoiding problems before they show up. We are a team, but I can tell you that if I had tried this with my ex-wife, not only would it have been a problem at home but EVERYBODY would have known about it.

    I am not a fan of divorce. But if it comes to that, prepping is not the only issue. Nor maybe even the primary issue. I have not met a true prepper who has an “it’s all about me” attitude. Although, they will put their family first, it’s about family and accepting responsibilities that go with having one. I think prepping is a better way to take care of your children’s future than ballet lessons, or soccer/volleyball camp. My plan is, at a minimum, to not be financially burdensome to my children. That includes the times that are a comin’

    Finally, stick around. This subject comes up quite a lot. Many people that regularly post here have shared their experiences with negative spouses. I fell blessed that this has not been an issue for me, but for others it has. Learn from them, try several things, and find what works for you.

    • Rider of Rohan says:

      This comment should be required reading for all preppers. There is more wisdom in these few words than is normally contained in an entire book. Well said, JP.

  15. Chuck Findlay says:

    I agree with the divorce post above. You can’t wake people up, they have to be the one to wake up. After presenting the facts and you still get the blank stare or the you are crazy look, it’s time to cut your losses.

    I also agree that time could be short.

  16. Hoooooo, Best of luck to you with all that friend. Divorce can be hard, but may be worth it! Only you can answer that

  17. I have been through a marriage where my spouse was a non-believer, called me ‘conspiracy theorist’, and made jokes to his friends about me. I continued to prep, kept ‘groceries’ on hand and supplies in my own vehicle. More than once, he was relieved that I had something with me that was needed…usually just pulling it out of my purse or pocket. (Since our divorce, he has stopped by and I noticed a large bin of “emergency supplies” in his vehicle.)

    I don’t know your situation, but I would guess the “growing incompatibility” is separate from the difference of opinion on prepping.

    My advice to you would be to keep on prepping if your funds allow and hope for the best with the marriage. If it works out, great. If not, you still have your preps. And keep in mind, without a spouse on board, you can find like-minded friends for yourself. There’s alot of people out there prepping without their spouse’s approval.

  18. nick flandrey says:

    Good books can subtly change attitudes. So can living thru minor disasters.

    From my own experience, my wife thought my preparedness was “a little kooky” and excessive. It was just the way she was raised. After seeing what happened during Katrina, when Rita rolled around, she was LOTS more receptive to prepping and was surprised by the extent of my preps. She spent some time defending the (new) attitude and explaining it to her family, and that clarified it for her. When Ike happened, it had minimal impact on us, even being without power for 14 days, and water for 3. The ease that we had thru that time fully cemented the idea of preparedness.

    You may not have the (dubious) luxury of getting thru a couple of small events to prove to your spouse the wisdom of prepping. In that case, reading some fiction can subtly change minds. My wife’s ideas about self defense and disaster prep changed after reading a bunch of Sci Fi, particularly some disaster and military fiction. John Ringo wrote a couple of series about aliens that are very entertaining, and feature widespread devastation and point out the value of preparation. Any of his series’ are good reads **EXCEPT** his Sword/Paladin of Shadows series which is not at all like his others and features lots of weird sex. Michael Z. Williamson has a couple of series’ that are lots of fun and feature libertarian and preparedness values in rollicking good stories.

    There is a lot of other ‘mainstream’ fiction that is zombie/post apocalypse right now too. Any of these will put the idea of disaster and survival in your spouse’s mind.

    There are many classic “prepper/survivalist” books too, and they have been discussed here many times. My main issue with them is that they ofter are little more than manuals thinly disguised as novels. That can be useful and entertaining AFTER you’ve made the decision to prepare, but probably won’t change anyone’s mindset.

    Of course, this assumes that you want to continue the relationship. If the relationship is satisfying and mutually beneficial in all other regards, then working on acceptance of prepping is worth it. If this is just one more in a long list of how you are not compatible, then it might be time to reconsider. I wouldn’t be quick to throw out a long relationship over a single issue, but if it is more indicative of a lack of respect, incompatibility of attitudes, and it is all likely to come apart anyway, take a hard look at it.

    For your own piece of mind, I encourage you to have a frank, open, honest discussion about it, and why you think it is important, and how your spouse’s attitude affects you and the relationship, AFTER you have figured those things out for yourself. If you don’t work hard for it, and give it an honest try, no matter what the eventual outcome, you will always have regrets and misgivings. If you honestly give it your all, and then move on, you can at least know you tried.

    Good luck

    nick

  19. mindful patriot says:

    Wait, what? Did you make a life-long vow to your spouse?
    if so, then do whatever it takes to preserve your marriage

    It would not be much of a life post-shtf if I did not have my spouse.

    Throw yourself into making your marriage the best it can be as far as it depends upon you.

    • Hiplains says:

      First of all AP, I am proud you have the courage to just ask the question straight up. Good for you! I am sorry that you are in this place of pain.
      I too get the sense that there is more to the “growing incompatibility” that just the prepping. I’m gonna stick my neck out and suggest that the closed mindedness isn’t a new thing…. you knew that already (to some extent anyway) it’s become more bothersome now.
      Divorce is the last ditch. In the meantime, Mindful Patriot said something very powerful that will save you from the world of REGRET later. Do ALL you can – marriage/love is about sacrifice. People can/do change, especially when they know you are all in. Then if it just is a no go, you can walk away in peace. Sorry, I suggest that you do not hurry through this.
      Now, if there is more than you spoke of and you are in danger – then stop reading this and get gone.

  20. Frank Bennett says:

    I have been very lucky in this category and I will explain what I mean. My DW comes from a very affluent background. Her parents own a company that does very well and she never wanted for a thing in her life. I on the other hand come from a very different background. when we got together and struggled mightily I wasnt sure if she would stick around knowing that she could go back home anytime.

    I was very happy when she dug her feet in and got through it right along side of me. when her so called friends didnt come around anymore cause she wasnt paying anymore and saw that her parents were all about their money she started seeing the world with open eyes for the first time. I told her my concerns and we talked about prepping she was all about it.

    She started seeing life events in a different way. the Newtown shootings, the Colorado movie theater shooting Etc. she looked at me one day and said “we need a gun.” it was almost like when the guy in Field of Dreams first saw the ball players. the rest is history folks. she is the one who suggests buying extra stuff when we can.

    We also have a store by us now called Survival Supplies Plus that she loves to go to. It is so cool to have someone to share your vision and want to be ready when SHTF cause it is coming soon folks.

    What I mean by all of this is if she does not share your views then you are already alone. She will not see spending money on prep’s as a good idea and will lead to arguments and such. I hate to put it this way but you have to make the hard choice while you can and maybe find some like minded people that you can join up with. I am telling you that with what is going on right now in the Ukraine, Venezuela, North Korea, Middle East and elsewhere it is only a matter of time before a Red Dawn situation presents itself. Just one mans humble opinion.

  21. Donna in MN says:

    My dogs don’t agree in my prepping, they want all that food now! But because they are ignorant and can’t understand, I keep it under wraps. When shtf, they will be happy they still have food in the comfort of their home, and the other dogs will be scrapping the dumpsters and garbage cans not finding food. Is your spouse dumber than a dog?

    • Whoa! Don’t be like that. We all develop at different speeds. The spouse may take a little longer, but get there eventually. Yes we all want to be as ready as possible when the event happens, but when you are married sometimes you have to take care of your spouse even if they object. If you have a meat and potatoes guy, you have to serve salad first and veggies with his steak!! Try to be patient with your loved ones and prepare for them the best you can. Love them….!

    • sw't tater says:

      glad I wasn’t drinking coffee!

  22. expose_the_devils says:

    Agree to disagree……….have your own “hobby” and let the other half have theirs…………somebody is gonna be right in the end, and in the meantime you have peace of mind and a marriage intact, however if your hobby becomes a source of scoff and mockery, then assume you are not being accepted for who you are and take appropriate measures to remedy the situation in an amicable fashion. Everyone has the right to have a hobby unmolested.

  23. I had that issue with my husband when I first started. I had never made purchases we hadn’t agreed on previously. I tried and tried to convince him to no avail. I finally broke my rule.
    I earn the bulk of our income, so I just laid down the law. I said, “Look, there are about 20 sets of golf clubs on this property (I don’t golf), and you have more clothes than any three people I know. Do you want to clear out your crap or give in? We can’t live without food and I am going to increase my food storage until I feel comfortable. You can like it or not, but our family won’t ever be hungry.”
    He grumbled for about six months and then realized he thought it was great. I always have everything he needs on hand. Now I can’t get him to shut up about how smart it is to prep.

    • I did much the same thing with my wife. I just said I don’t buy cloths,jewelry ect and I don’t have any expensive hobby’s. This is how I am going to spend my money. I never questioned anything she wanted to buy as long as the price was reasonable so when I started to add preps to the house I didn’t really care if she liked it or not. Since then she has come around to at least the point that she see’s we may need these things and just kind of pat’s me on the head if she thinks I am going off the deep end. After a couple of power outages with the house running on a genny and still being able to watch the boob tube,plug in the coffee pot ect she see’s that at least I am right some of the time LOL. Either way I get to buy my preps so I’m good with it.

  24. Urbancitygirl says:

    The problems, after that where your spouse doesn’t have the same life goals, concerns, drive for self sufficiency, and so on… Turns into; a) fighting over where money is spent, b) OPSEC blown, c) you lose the team spirit approach, d) Things just aren’t fun anymore when you aren’t working together.

    This is in common with those who may have a spouse with gambling or drinking issues, for example. And it grows and grows into bigger issues. If faith and trust is lost. Is this someone you can live with in a shtf situation? Will they pull their weight?

    If you choose leaving, you may also lose preps, savings and future income. Be prepared.

    Now, all that said, I’d leave (been there, done that). It’s amazing, I mean, really truly life changing to find a compatible person to love and fully trust.

    Life is an adventure. Live it.

  25. Just my $.02 here
    We all prep for different reasons. In general the main focus for us is we lose electricity every time there’s a storm in the area. Dh has always humored me with things like getting me a camp stove for my birthday or a rain barrel for Christmas, but he’s never been truly supportive of the idea. However when we were without power for a week in Feb due to a nice storm he realized how many things we had and how much better off we were than a lot of people in the area. So he’s now fully on-board, almost obsessed. I know you can’t plan a natural disaster but if there are any communities around you which have had issues, you might be able to use those as a discussion point.
    Another thing is fear. Some people are truly terrified of thinking about what could happen, so they choose to believe it won’t. My younger son is like this. So we rename things, like it’s the ‘extra pantry’ in the basement, not the prepper shelf. I know it’s the same thing, but the term has a softer edge, therefore less frightening.

    • Chicken little says:

      Andi,
      I like your idea of renaming things. Extra pantry sounds a lot more normal than the teotwawki stash. I will use that one. Thanks.

  26. My wife and I grew up in completely different worlds, Her parents thought the end of the world was coming any day, so the literately did shopping every day, never thought they could outlive the dark times. My parents are the same age, growing up in the depression, and poor, so they would always buy extra when they could and put it away, and we always had a garden and put up stuff, growing up, when my friends saw our cellar, they would joke that you could live for a year down there, which was pretty much true, there was even a well in the cellar.
    when we first got married, it was in the winter, so when spring came around and I started buying hurricane supplies(we lived in FL), she thought I was crazy, and I thought she was for not wanting to get prepared. Over the years my simple preps(having a truck bag), being to build a camp site, make a fire without matches, hunt fish, she slowly started seeing the light. I have not bought a firearm for myself in 20 years, she buys them for me, she has learned to shoot, has back up everything, and questions me on not buying enough prep stuff at a time.
    My point is that if you love someone, hopefully the good values in both of you rub off on the other.

  27. SoCalPrepper says:

    This is really tough. I’ve started reading Glen Tate’s “299 Days,” and I just can’t help but feel for that poor Grant guy, when he realizes he needs to start prepping and his wife is, well – basically a raving lunatic insisting that nothing bad could ever happen.

    My husband and I have been together since high school. He comes from a “nothing bad could ever happen” family. My grandparents raised me, and they were around during the depression, and were from OK, so we had an acre garden, a cow and some goats, sometimes chickens, and canned everything. Made everything from scratch…could sew, etc etc. SO, SO glad they raised me and I learned all of that!

    I went through the same things Grant did – got out, went to law school, fancy job…blah blah…

    But I live in earthquake country. We’ve seen the aftermath, and my husband is a commercial electrician and services the high rise commercial buildings in our downtown and sees how unstable the infrastructure is. Prepping has just been a natural outgrowth of seeing that instability. As we got into it, we kept seeing how deep the rabbit hole really is…so now we’re trying to “full scale” prep. (We probably have 3 months of food/water, and 1000+ rounds of each caliber we shoot…but we don’t think that is enough anymore!)

    So we just kind of “grew into” prepping. That being said…if he wasn’t behind my prepping? I’d do it by myself, and he could watch. I’d either have the last laugh, or not. But that is our relationship – he doesn’t get to tell me what I get to do.

    Can you put it that way? “Honey, I know you think nothing bad is ever going to happen, and I hope so too! But sometimes the power goes out, or [insert region-appropriate natural disaster here], and I don’t want to be caught in the mad rush to get supplies. I’m going to set up a reasonable budget, and I’m going to store the stuff over here….you don’t have to help or anything, but it would make me sleep better at night.”

    If that speech doesn’t work…well….compatibility may be an issue. Control may be the bigger issue. If you really love each other, you should be able to come up with a compromise whereby you prep, and she does whatever it is she wants to do.

    • SoCal, keep reading the 299 series. Grant’s wife does eventually come around to see the wisdom of prepping & becomes supportive. & wait until u see how his wife’s parents respond. It’s a great story. I’m hooked.

      • SoCalPrepper says:

        Will do – I’m just into #3. I like the story a lot so far…the writing is just SO. BAD. It is killing the English teacher in me. I had the same problem with “One Second After.”

        “Could of.” “Would of.” No. “Could have” or “Could’ve.” Then calling a magazine a clip.

        I don’t grammar police at all on the internet, but in my published works I don’t want to see typos or grammar problems. I would totally volunteer as book editor!!

        • Tactical G-Ma says:

          One of the worst written stories is the Getting Home series by A. American. Book 2 wasn’t even spell-checked! And I love it. Some stories are better than others but it is my fav so far.

          • JP in MT says:

            TGMa:

            Thanks for the info on the Getting Home series. I bought Book 1 on the Kindle as someone recommended it. I found the story line a little strange as someone who had prepped to the point of having a BOL w/LMI’s yet his backup plan for getting there was strapping a shopping cart to his bicycle. And not only stealing supplies, but deliberately writing bad checks (or encouraging them) and “ripping” people off when he new what he was doing was the same as stealing. Guess I’ll just pass on the rest.

            • Tactical G-Ma says:

              JP
              I didn’t interpret it as malevolent. In fact I didn’t think of it as any thing but entertainment.

          • Chuck Findlay says:

            I downloaded the first 299 days but have not read it yet, I dislike reading bits of a book having to get the rest of the story a year or more down the road. I will wait till he releases all 10 books as a compendium. He was on Jacks podcast and said all 10 books were written before the first one was ever released.

            Just wondering has anyone read “The Road” book? If so how was it?

            .

            • Dark!!! Depressing, too. Sad to have to live like a rabbit, trying not to get eaten.

          • I’m still gnashing my teeth from reading Patriots by Rawles. Gosh, I’d love to take a red pen to that. Apparently no one else did.

      • SPOILER ALERT

  28. AP,
    This is hard for me to put into words. Without knowing your situation it is very difficult to give any kind of advice, so all any of us can do is to give you info based on our own personal experience. My DH and I have gone through a very difficult time. About 20 years ago he was seriously injured in a work related accident, the drs started giving him pain pills, muscle relaxers and anti-depressants. He became addicted to them and the drs just kept giving him more and more. I finally reached a breaking point and threatened the dr that if he gave him any more that I was going to sue him. The dr cut him off cold turkey and he had the worst withdrawals for about 3 months. My DH was so angry with me for about 6 months and then things started to turn around. I am telling you all of this to point out that you can get through it. You have to ask yourself one big question: Do you really love your spouse and does your spouse really love you? If yes anything is possible!

    It has not been easy and out of the last 10 years only the past 3 have been good, but things are really good now. :) Three yrs ago was when I started out to be as self-sufficient as possible which has grown into prepping. At first DH was on board with growing veggies but when I started buying stuff to store he got a little upset with me. I just talked to him about possible disasters that we could face.

    We have already had several personal shtf events: he became disabled, I was laid off, our home burned down, etc…(all since 2009) I just pointed out to him how much easier it would have been if we had been prepared. He still makes comments while we are shopping, like we already have that, I just look at him and say that it is for storage and he just shuts up! :) lol and he is the one that got me to watching doomsday preppers!

  29. OwlCreekObserver says:

    Or…you could just calmly point out to your spouse that:
    — You don’t buy car insurance because you plan to wreck your car.
    — You don’t buy homeowners insurance because you plan for your house to burn down.
    — You don’t buy health insurance because you plan to get sick.
    You buy those things so that you can survive if any of those bad things happen. Why is putting away extra food and making other contingency plans any different?

    Like most folks, I’m not a big fan of divorce. My bride and I have had plenty of disagreements during our 45 years together but we’ve eventually managed to work through every one of them. Don’t give up just yet.

  30. Matilda Morgan says:


    I am Mrs Matilda Morgan from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband George Morgan, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady called Clara, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend miss Florida and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called DR OKOGBO who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3days. Miss Florida ask me to contact DR OKOGBO. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact DR OKOGBO on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his contact (dr.okogbolovespell@gmail.com). He is the best spell caster.

    • Wow!

    • nick flandrey says:

      either the spam bots are getting much better at targeting, or we have a VERY diverse readership here :-)

      nick

      • Rider of Rohan says:

        We need the “gods of our fore-fathers” to fight for us. Wonder if we could get Dr. Okogbo to cast a spell on DC? To bring them back to the Constitution after this affair they are having with Communism.

  31. Apologies, but I’ve a similar situation in that we are both peppers, but for different core reasons.
    I started prepping because I was taught to get a bit more if you can afford it. Then Y2K came, and my preps started to make sense to him (prior to this, he’d bitch & moan at every can/jar/whatever extra)
    I’ve a good stock pile now, of course, and keep adding…. I bought land/cottage, remote & isolated… For Retirement! I see prepping as getting ready to go off grid….
    Him, he got into conspiracy theories…. so many… every day…. year after year….
    We are “estranged”, I believe that would be the proper word
    The gap growing, every day
    When I try to share my feelings, the answer I get is: If you chose to be ignorant of the facts….
    Ignorant, nice one, that’ll get my mojo going fer sure
    Doesn’t everyone feel needed/wanted/loved when the are called ignorant? :-p
    Sorry, I’m a bit bitter
    Any & all guidance is welcome
    Thank you

    • rachel,
      how old is he ?
      if the obsession with conspiracies is too much or too sudden he might need a bit of medical attention.
      maybe a scan of the circulatory system?
      walk softly on this. don’t mention to him but ask doctor if there are any tests that a man of your husband’s age should have.
      just a thought.

      • Don’t think it’s an age thing per say, though he is getting closer to retirement and can be negative t’wards the nextgen that follow… But that’s standard pissy-ness of old/young that leaks out of all of us at times

    • Rachel,
      That sounds just awful. I am so sorry.

      • Thank you, but I’m ok most days, gets heavy at times but I figure I’ve a lesson to learn in all this, so I try to take/interact that way, that’s its knowledge/insight/a gift to make me “richer” inside (depth of person stuff)

        • Get that man a fishing pole and hunting gear. There is a lighter side to prepping that gets us away from the television and computer that we all need once in a while.

    • Survivor says:

      For what it’s worth…He didn’t call you ignorant. He indicated you kept yourself ignorant of the facts. He could have used a much better phrase, I’ll admit. He could have said you were in denial. He could have said you wouldn’t face facts. Having said that I don’t know the tone of his voice or the situation. You have to be the judge of that.
      My DW and I practice what she calls Walking in Forgiveness. As we move down our path there are always turns of phrase, the breaking of stuff and just stuff that really pisses me off that she does. The other day I drove to work for two hours and when I got there I discovered she had removed my computer bag from my truck. I had to drive home two hours and then drive back to work. Did that spin me up? Heck yea, I was hotter’n two rats humping in a wool sock!! We had been shopping and she had unloaded the truck. She grabbed the bag and took it in thinking she was helping. Her heart was in the right place. When I got home I kissed and told her I appreciated her thoughtfulness. All was well.
      Walking in Forgiveness means I knew in my heart she didn’t have me drive for 6 hours to spin me up. She was being helpful. Instead of both of our blood pressures being up for a day or three. I calmed down before calling to ask about the bag. No hollering, no yelling…peace..love. I forgave her for any transgression a long time ago.
      To my point. Talk to your husband and explain this concept to him, if you’re willing to get onboard with it, too. Tell him you forgive him all his past and future transgressions because you know in your heart he wasn’t saying/doing things to anger you. He was saying/doing those things because he had a reason, including indicating you kept yourself ignorant of facts. In his opinion, you do, so ask him why he thinks that. Talk, don’t yell. As far as the conspiracy theories, facts are mixed with fiction to create a plausible story. If that plausible story occupies his mind in the prepper direction you want it to go, heck, make up a few conspiracy theories of your own!! He’d be so proud!!
      If you do all that and it fails, shoot him in the foot…

      • Foot, no… But I have fantasized about opening his brain and scooping out what I consider icky stuff with a spoon! :-)
        Trust me, I know the world is going to hell in a hand basket
        Be it natural or man-made, overall, things are getting worse
        It’s the focus….. the intent……
        I believe we create our realities, our world
        If I, me personally, wake and am “on guard”, go through my day with input of similar nature (who can attack from where, how, where are the exits, how do I defend/protect….), and finish my day with the news (terrorist, various bad guys/ladies doing terrible things…. friggen polar vortex…)….
        For me, such a day, such a life, isn’t “living” it’s focussing on the 1001 ways I/we can be hurt/maimed/killed
        Yes, part of me takes a certain pride in being “ignorant”
        And that particular word is no longer part of his verbiage in that way/sentence
        We don’t raise our voices, ever, that was a challenge in the beginning but is standard now after so many years

        My point being, if you have “alignment” in your couple
        You can push through irregardless of the “why”
        In my 4 walls, we are both working t’wards “away” but out paths/visions are different

        In my world, I am working t’wards off-grid
        Him, he’s fortifying against the enemy and/or disaster
        Between us, we have/can/will enable much which meets both our objectives even though our “whys” are different

        If you love….. love with everything you have
        If you’ve given all of you, expressed yourself as clearly as possible, listened to the other as unbiasedly as possible, seeking common ground, amplifying commonalities, try to build upon those, use them as part of your foundation….
        I’m not saying its easy, but we get into relationships for a reason, build/grow with them over time….
        It’s much more rewarding & valuable inside to fight though differences t’wards common life goals with the one you know and already trust (to one extent or another), than it is to start all over again

        So keep fighting
        The good stuff ain’t easy, ever, yet it’s worth the effort every time because it creates growth
        I don’t know if you & yours will stay together
        Heck, I don’t know if me & mine will
        But in my world, for now, we are able to talk/share as adults/peers, we have same end-game in mind, and work hard t’wards this vision
        And for now, that’s good enough

  32. WYO Ryder says:

    I feel for ya! I am in the same boat so I do my prepping undetected – storing at my BF’s and Mom’s places (it also helps that I have these two as my super stealthy prepping partners – and we also have the Pack :-).

    I don’t talk to him about it other than to occasionally point out something in the news – like the folks that were stranded in the ice storms down south, etc. – ‘boy I sure hope they had extra food and water” type of thing. Do you do that?

    When the SHTF, I bet both of our spouses will wake up and pitch in (just color me – forever hopeful).

    I know its hard but find a way to keep a positive outlook (for the sake of your sanity and for your marriage). It doesn’t look like we have a heck of alot of time before it gets hot. Don’t give up if you still love him/her, k? Divorces suck.

  33. Tough one – not knowing more background. I would prep for a personsal shtf- but do it out of the house. Not a big fan of ending relationships that are healthy; but if it’s not get out as quickly and painlessly as possible. That said; I would sit down and let spouse know that prepping was important to me and I am doing it for us- if he/she cannot support or at least not denigrate then I would let theperson know that we are not working ttowards the same thing and should go separate ways. Will say a prayer for you.

  34. mom of three says:

    My mom, came from a large family from Minnesota, when they moved out West, they still canned, and stored food, even though they lived in a more controlled weather area. When my parents married, they moved to the west side of the state, and she continued to can, even though they had enough money, she could have just grocery shopped. When I married, and two years later we bought a home the first thing I did was get a canner, jars, everything to can with. I bought strawberries, and canned my first batch of Jam. Later in
    the year we went grocery shopping, sweetie wanted strawberry jam,
    I told him I have it at home. I made a peanut butter & jam sandwich
    for him. He was hesitate to taste it he thought he could die, if the food did not come from the store. Long story short we have been
    married 17 years, and if I give his strawberry jam, or anything else I make to anyone well, he’s not a happy camper. You may have to
    dangle the carrot in front of her to get her on board. Unless she is
    cheating, or abusive, to me divorce is a quick solution that you both
    might regret. That’s my 2 cent too.

  35. Southern girl says:

    I haven’t posted in months, but continue to follow this blog to keep up with you guys & learn as much as possible. I still feel like a newbie although I have been slowly prepping for over a year.
    I have dealt with a “non-compatible” spouse the entire time I have attempted to prep. Sometimes I want to ring his neck! Haven’t heard that expression in a while. I find myself hiding things from him or I just don’t tell him what I’m doing. He laughs about my “grocery store” in the spare bedroom & makes comments like “one day I’ll walk in & you will have your own operating room set up with all those medical supplies”. My response is to always make a joke about his comments, but I can’t express how angry & frustrated I feel dealing with him. I have tried everything that I have read(suggestions) & most all that has been recommended in the posts with no success. I learned early on to keep my mouth shut & just use subtle hints about things to come.
    1. The DH is a sheep. Period. He sat in a hallway with his grown son frightened to death during direct hit from hurricane Ivan & ran to the neighbors home during the passing of the eye. He did nothing to prepare. Had no food or water in his home afterwards. Our grown children brought him supplies. ( We were separated at the time) I left town & returned with my own generator, fuel, food &water and a loaded hand gun. Guess I had some prepper blood back then.
    2. He talks too much to anyone & everyone. I’ve asked him not to tell fellow employees about my “hobby”, but betting that most know. No OPSEC here except for my secret stash. Hence, the secret stash.
    3. Yes. This has been a source of contention & we are not as close now as we once were. However, will admit I am difficult to live with.LOL. Opposites do attract. They just have a difficult time living together.
    4. I have totally given up trying to convert him. There is only so much one can do. On the bright side, if something occurs in the future, he is resourceful & knows farming & can hunt and very good with a rifle. I have to remember the positive things to keep me motivated.
    I continue to prep in silence, wishing I had others close by that I could share this with and yes, have tried to meet other preppers at classes, gun range & church. No luck yet.
    Keep on prepping Wolf Pack & as always thank you & MD for all the helpful educational information. Time to fight for more garden boxes & a larger fenced garden area.LOL!

    SG

    PS; Welcome to all the new folks & know WP prayers going up for all that have needed them. Oh, and MD, I miss the old header. Just saying.

    • Mother Earth says:

      Southern Girl, I am pretty much in the same situation except mine is anti-social so he doesn’t talk about or complain about my stashes. He cannot be converted, however, he is a country boy with mad skills. He’s not exactly a sheep and thinks things are getting worse but doesn’t believe things could get that bad. So basically I just want to shake really hard!
      The hardest thing is that he makes much more than me and won’t spend money on prepping and I have limited funds to work with.
      And yes, I often want to go screaming into the night but I have kids/grand kids to think about.

  36. 123pieguy says:

    AP,

    I have to marvel at the practical wisdom that can be found here with the Wolf Pack, though we might not all agree on what was wise and what was otherwise. I have mostly listened to all the postings here for many months – this is only my second post. But you all have a great thing going here, for the most part, even when you don’t exactly agree with each other at times.

    I have been in the same boat as you, AP, for a while now. My DW does not appreciate much of any of my prepping – food storage, working with simple solar, putting a little metal to the side, making sure I have enough ammo for my guns. She’s OK with my gardening, though, as she likes to eat healthy. But she just does not share my values in putting by for a rainy or a SHTF day. The other day she called me selfish for my preparing, which offended me more than a bit. But … she has not actively opposed me on the issue.

    She is from a large family in the Philippines, not really rich or really poor. But no one that I know of does any prepping over there, though Typhoon Haiyan (Nov 2013 – killed 6,000+) might change some minds. Two of her 3 daughters live here on the East Coast (VA) near us, along with two of her siblings. No one preps, so I dread any significant disaster that would (will) make her relatives head this way. You marry a Filipino, you marry their family. But we will make due.

    One thing that has helped us is that, learning from my first marriage, we each get X dollars in allowance each month from my retirement pension that we can do whatever we want to with. That’s what I use for my preps. So she has no right to question my accumulations, as long as they don’t lead to other issues, and she knows it. You might consider doing the same with your wife – allow each of you X dollars monthly for whatever. My wife buys used/sales clothes and sends them to her family. Great! I prep. And I think that’s great, too, and believe she will too one day. Hang in there and give her time and opportunity to grow. Good luck!

  37. 3rdgen4wars says:

    I have the same problem. Now we’ve been married 20 yrs, 3 girls, iam a tradesman, she a nurse, we could really “have prep” & offer skills, unfortunately, she’s a super denial anything bad, and if so, “i dont want to be here anyway”!! One day she asked why I “really” do all “this”? I said, because when the shtf, you & these girls are gonna look at me and say “what now dad”?…it kinda made more sense to her. So, to really sell it more, I got my girls on board, they all shoot & well. And they encourage the wife, its getting easier.

  38. Have her read One Second After. It worked or several members of my family.

  39. oldguy52 says:

    Well, I don’t know your whole story, but I’ll just say this. Folks can talk all they want about saving your marriage or whatever. But the fact is, for some of us, divorce can be the best thing that ever happened to us. I thank God every day now that my first wife threw me out. Yeah, it was a tough time and we had 2 kids and all the trouble that comes with custody and visitation and all that. And, lord knows I was too broke for a long time after to even pay attention. BUT, if she hadn’t thrown me out I would never have met my second wife who truly is my best friend and the light of my life.

    So, I didn’t know it at the time, but when God was closing the door on that first marriage, he was opening a window for the second. It took a few years but I came to realize that divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me.

    I’m not advocating divorce. I’m just saying that sometimes you don’t realize that you and your spouse may not be as compatible as you may have once thought. I didn’t realize just how differently my first wife and I saw things until I had been away from that relationship for quite some time.

    But, divorce doesn’t have to be the end of the world. It can be the beginning of a new and better life.

    • Encourager says:

      God hates divorce, He says so in His word. The only reason He allows is for adultery. So how can you possibly say “God was closing the door on that first marriage”??

      Accept the responsibility that you and your first wife decided to close that door, not God. It sticks in my craw when people either ‘blame’ God for their decisions – good or bad – or give Him ‘credit’ for destroying something you were responsible for.

      I realize what I have said flies in the face of modern thinking. But I also realize humans have gotten so far away from how the Bible says we are to believe, act and live that we allow ourselves to pick and choose what “fits” us in the Bible and ignore the rest as either not being relevant to our lives or too old fashioned to follow.

      Not one couple on the face of this earth has a perfect marriage. Every single couple has problems, situations, and choices that hurt themselves and the one they vowed to be with until ‘death do us part’. We need to choose to keep our word no matter what.

      I am not judging or picking on you, oldguy52, even if it seems I am. Many who have posted here that recommend divorce have the same attitude as you. I guess I just reached the saturation point, the last straw, so to speak! I am just using your words and situation to point out a human flaw in our thinking. Some of the comments above broke my heart, because their mates where so easily disposed of, for whatever reason.

      Anonymous Prepper, I pray you will re-think ending your marriage. Find what it was that caused you to fall in love with your wife in the first place and rebuild the love, the trust, the companionship. Love is a CHOICE, not an emotion. Emotions come and go. Honor your vow. Don’t use incompatibility in the prepping arena as an excuse to make such a serious, life changing choice.

      • Tactical G-Ma says:

        Encourager,
        I agree that Jesus did say the only reason for a man to divorce his wife was for adultery. But he also said if a man or woman has to seperate themself from their spouse because the oath of marriage is not kept or one dies, they should stay single unless the passion was too great. Because it is better to be married than to have passion outside of marriage. If the oath of not cherishing or honoring one another is broken, then one can seperate…at least that is my interpretation -
        But way too many marry in haste and divorce in haste.

        • Encourager says:

          I believe the Bible was referring to being a widow(er) not a divorced person regarding remarriage and passion. What translation says “because the oath of marriage is not kept”??? Seriously want to know!

          • Tactical G-Ma says:

            Encourager,

            I believe what I believe and am not going to battle scripture. But I believe and the denomination I am a part of believes…Jesus addresses divorce several times and says only for adultery and to remarry is adultery. Except as written in 1 Corinthians 7:12-17.

  40. Do your own thing. Many couples have different hobbies. Golfing, boating, cooking etc. While you do your own thing the spouse may gain interest. And really… is saying a bunch of canned tomatoes more important than a loving relationship?

  41. Don’t preach to me. Unless of course you are without sin. I would have honored my vow, had I been allowed to.

    I got no choice in the divorce. It was forced down my throat by her, her lawyer and the court with me kicking and screaming the whole way. Had I known then what I know now, I should have just walked away and been thankful that all she got was 90% of our stuff and half my income for 16 years.

    Ten years ago, 24 years after the divorce, she admitted to my face that I had done nothing to deserve the poor treatment they meted out to me in 1978 and she’d just been a fool.

    If God hadn’t had better things in store for me, I doubt things would have worked out like they did.

    • Encourager says:

      I was NOT preaching to you. I was only going by what YOU said. I do not know you nor your circumstances. YOU were the one who said “when God was closing the door on that first marriage, he was opening a window for the second” and if you read what I wrote, that is what I was talking about.

      God didn’t close any door on your first marriage. You and your wife did.

      Sorry I pushed your buttons. That was not my intent. My intent was to point out that God hates divorce. And I did not make that up – you can read it for yourself.

      • oldguy52 says:

        “God didn’t close any door on your first marriage. You and your wife did.”

        I believe you have the right to believe whatever you want, as do I.

        Unfortunately I and the American legal system are unable to live up to your level of piousness.

        However, my conscience is clear on the matter of my divorce.

    • Tactical G-Ma says:

      OldGuy52

      I wasn’t judging you. I am sorry you had to go through something so horrible. And am glad you found your DW.
      I do however believe vows should mean something and divorce should be a last option.
      Seems like a lot of people would divorce if spouse didn’t prep.

      • Tactial G-Ma,

        I actually wasn’t pointing that reply at you, though I should have done better at making that clear.

        I also didn’t mention the daughter my first (now ex) wife delivered shortly after the divorce proceedings were done. I couldn’t though, prove adultery at the time.

        I don’t think anyone knows or can know Gods plan. I am just thankful he allowed things to work out the way they did for me.

        • Tactical G-Ma says:

          OldGuy52,
          No one knows what the future holds. I just try to do my best daily but often fall short of the Glory of God.
          Thank goodnes, Jesus loves me anyway.

        • Encourager says:

          I apologize to you oldguy52. What I said was taken completely wrong so I apologize for it.

          I am not ‘pious’ nor without sin. No one is without sin. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God.

          • oldguy52 says:

            Encourager,

            “No one is without sin. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God.”

            Thank you. Accepted. I will carry on as if it never happened.

  42. My wife is the same. She thinks we are all nuts.
    This has made me a closet prepper and this keeps the peace at home.

  43. I also live with a spouse that has little interest in prepping, although I’d like to think that outside this subject, things are pretty good. I think the problem is how you approach the subject. Many just simply don’t want to face reality, or, at the very least, make provision in the event of a disaster. I’ve stopped trying to convince my partner, it just ended up in an argument, so I changed my approach by citing financial or health benefits as the reason. If you like, I’m an undercover prepper. Here are a few examples 1. storing 50kg or more of rice to beat inflation; 2. installing a pv solar system to save money. I also have a battery backup system and if SHTF, then I can rewire my grid-connect to battery backup. I told my partner the battery system was necessary for blackout protection. 3. I have a flour-mill and plant corn and wheat and store the grain. I occasionally make bread and muffins and I told my partner I do this to save a few cents and for health reasons as its chemical free.
    Change the way you approach the subject. Your partner won’t think you’re just a lunatic (and only a little crazy) and you’ll still get to prep by stealth.

  44. Yes, I find the John Robb resilient communities approach works best — we’re doing X to get Y. Essentially treating it as insurance, investments, long term cost savings, etc. It also helps that my spouse is big on anti-GMO/Paleo and other similar food concerns — driven by health implications — which helps with the alternative perspective on living life. With hunting, I find a Steven Rinella approach works best.

    My spouse also trusts my advice on investments/finances, and I take a pretty comprehensive approach — never all eggs in one basket, tradition and just in case, etc… How we allocate money to vehicles or lack thereof, etc.
    And I treat stuff like tools and firearms and ammo as investments too — this stuff will never lose money,and I can always sell it for what I have in it or more, etc. Also, when I buy stuff I explain what my specific intentions are for any piece of kit. There are numerous instances where my spouse is glad I have a flashlight, a pen (all stainless, tactical light), or other “prep” items handy. Start with the basics of security, first aid, resource allocations/investments, etc. Then work into food storage, ammo stockpiling, etc. Win the small battles.

    I have celtic backgrounds as does my spouse, so stories help too. From a prep perspective, I found the following to be a really good read/share with skeptics:
    EMP: Equipping Modern Patriots: With a Story of Survival
    The Tomorrow Series and Ellie Chronicles following are good too.

    For those into a more sci-fi/fantasy genre, the American Apocalypse series is good, though definitely a male perspective.

    And lastly, for folks that get through one of these intro series, The Survivalist Series by Angery American is a great second step.

    Basically the goal is to get the partner to realize that your job as their partner is to create maximum security for your family. And with prepping there are financials up front which are hard, but it’s ultimately only about a year’s salary for most of it to have a year or two preps on hand with minimal inconveniences. A month’s salary to have the basics, etc. Once you make that investment, it’s maintenance.

    Your job is to figure out what resonates and pitch it that way.

    Do I think that the odds are that SHTF is going to happen this year? No. Do I want SHTF? No. Am I afraid of scenarios where SHTF, especially considering the increasing complexity of society, moral degradation, etc? Yes. Am I willing to make sacrifices to ensure my family is safe and protected should SHTF? Absolutely. And I want you to support me in this. What resources (time and money primarily) do we have that we can put towards this new “perspective” on safety, security, insurance, and investment? 10, 20, 50% of our “retirement” savings this year? 10% per year going forward? Plus my own fun/hobby $? Do a small or no vacation this year to meet this goal that’s very important to me? Etc?

    Typically if you frame it in this way, you can get some buy in. Wait and look for opportunities. Heck, the Walking Dead has led to a lot of significant conversations in our household.