The Ultimate Zombie Survival Plan

M.D. adds: No we here at TheSurvvialistBlog.net don’t believe that there is going to be a walking dead zombie outbreak – this article is written in a “fun way” and published her to make it more interesting for some readers.

by Marc White

All hell has broken loose. Society has crumbled. Your front lawn is filled with zombies. You might be wondering how this happened. That’s not the point. The zombie apocalypse is here and unless you plan on getting eaten alive, you are going to need to know how to survive. Don’t panic.  I’m going to teach you everything that you need to know.

I’m Marc White, the founder of Zombie Gear Dude where I teach people how to survive the zombie apocalypse and what zombie weapons and gear works best.

To survive a zombie apocalypse, you need to be in great shape. If you get winded running a mile, you’re probably going to be eaten. Build up your cardio since the majority of your day will be spent running from zombies. Train in parkour, which can help you navigate a hazardous or obstacle-ridden environment.

Have an escape route for your home when the zombies inevitably break in. You will need two separate meeting locations for your family if you get separated in the chaos. You should also have an emergency contact who is out of state to keep your family updated on your status, assuming all technology hasn’t been destroyed.

Stick together. You’ll find strength in numbers and a good team can help you gather supplies and fight off zombies. If everyone goes back to back, you’re going to have 360 degrees of vision. Never let the zombies get out of sight.

You shouldn’t trust strangers. People who are unprepared to deal with the zombie apocalypse are prone to freak out and act irrationally. You want your team to be all die-hard survivalists. No cheerleaders.

You’re also going to need a survival kit: clean drinking water, 1 gallon per day; food, either canned or non-perishable; a first-aid kit with bandages, rubbing alcohol and any prescription medication that you might need; and utility items like a knife, duct tape, a flashlight with extra batteries, and a radio.

But even the most extensive survival kit will run out eventually. How do you find new supplies? In an urban environment, the best places to look are abandoned homes, gas stations, military surplus outlets, and outdoor stores. After you have confirmed that the room is clear of zombies, bring a large backpack or duffle bag and raid the place.

You can also find supplies in a forest. You might stumble upon an abandoned campsite with plenty of supplies. But before you wander too far into the woods, mark the trail with spray paint or duct tape. Be careful with any berries or vegetation that you find. Unless you know for sure they’re not poisonous, don’t eat anything.

 

The human body can only go a few days without water. The easiest way to get water in a zombie apocalypse is from sealed water bottles. But if you can’t find those, catch rainwater in an empty bottle. You don’t even need to purify it before you drink it. In a cold climate, note that snow or ice works great too. Are you somewhere that doesn’t get any rain? Raid hot water tanks and water from toilet basins. And please remember that it’s the top part of the toilet, not the bottom part.

But before you drink that water, you’re going to need to purify it. Bring the water to a boil for a minute and it should be safe to drink. If you don’t have access to fire, find some clean chlorine bleach and mix in 8 drops per gallon of water. Stir, and let it sit for 30 minutes. You’ve got yourself clean drinkable water, yum!

With zombies everywhere, you’re going to need to secure a base camp. The ideal shelter is made of a sturdy material like brick with few windows that can potentially serve as entry points.

Dams, power plants, water treatment facilities, or any government buildings serve nicely. But don’t venture too far or spend too much time looking for the perfect spot. The more you’re out in the open, the more vulnerable you’re to a zombie attack.

You might think you should hold up in a mall or a big box retail store to be near supplies. But according to Zombie Research Society founder, Matt Mogk, that’s a terrible idea. Stores are the first place most people will go, and the more people there are in a contained area, the quicker and easier it is to spread the virus or disease that caused the zombie outbreak in the first place.

If you are in a pinch, can’t find any secure buildings, you can always try a boat. While the topic is hotly debated by Zombie fans, science says that zombies would lack the motor functions necessary to swim. This means that a boat would keep you safe from an attack unless you are in shallow water.

Get some protective gear! A strong leather jacket or Kevlar motorcycle gear are ideal. Zombies are going to have a tough time biting through something that thick. Ditch your car! You are not going to fuel your gas tank in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. Not to mention the fact that a loud engine would tip any nearby zombies off to your location. Find a bike instead. It’s a much more versatile and effective means of transportation in the new zombie infested world. Plus it’s better for the environment. In case we ever manage to rebuild society.

No matter how prepared you are, eventually, you are going to come face to face with zombies.

So, what’s the best way to deal with these murder machines?

Don’t fight, just run, fast! You have all heard the saying that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Well, this is a sprint. So do your best and get the hell out of there!

If you can’t outrun the zombies, though, you still have a couple more options. Neuroscientist Bradley Voytek created a model of what a zombie’s brain would look like and found that damage to the zombie’s central corpus would give them terrible short term memory. This means that you can easily hide. Loss of the posterior parietal cortices means that zombies have trouble visually focusing on more than one object at a time, meaning that they are easily distracted.

Another option is to act like a zombie. Voytek speculates that zombies suffer from a form of illusion which means that they have trouble knowing whether a person is a human or a zombie. Don’t feel bad for them, just take advantage of it.

But if all else fails, you’re going to need to fight the zombies. This is the last resort as the only way to kill a zombie is to destroy its brain.

But what’s the best weapon to do that?

The answer is simple. Take a blunt or sharp object and hit them in the head. The best part is, these weapons are basically silent and won’t attract attention from any other nearby dead-ites or zombies.

Here is another thing to consider: don’t think that you’re used to playing video games, and it will help you score headshots when it comes to killing zombies. Studies have shown that in life situations, trained police officers have a shooting accuracy of just 25%.

Alright, you’re now in good shape to stay alive in a zombie apocalypse. Now just follow my advice for the rest of your life and you’ll be good to go.

Send me more suggestions in the comments down below. And until the next time, I am Marc White, wishing you a safe zombie killing adventure.

Comments

  1. mom of three says:

    Thanks for the laugh that was great!!! Every day I see the Zombies, it’s going to be ugly. Seeing the line’s at the food bank, all the people holding up signs, the people living in their car’s, and RV, are getting more and more noticeable tho who have a RV, are better off than just a car. We have a huge homeless population but yet home prices are off the chart, no places to rent they are building on any lot they can get and still it’s not enough. Job’s are hard to come by and if you do
    get one most hang on to them.

    • Bwhntr61 says:

      Mom of 3

      I guess that all depends on what part of the country you live in. Here in southeast WI I see help wanted signs all over the place. Not just fast food but manufacturers, schools, hospitals, etc. drivers of trucks are in particular demand, at my own company we have gone thru 3 new drivers. They work for a week or so and then just quit! We start at 16.00/hour. Maybe not the top wage but certainly not the worst. And you get insurance after 90 days and 401K plan. It is just tough to get reliable people here who want to work and can pass a drug test.

      Of course this can all come to a crashing halt as we all know. Long term our country ain’t lookin good, unfortunately. That is why we prep. Carry on.

  2. I disagree with not holding up in a store. The one I know has only front windows with double doors. If blocked off it would be like a fort. Stores also have a backup generator to keep food cold if the power goes off. Not to mention med. supplies,food and water. Lookouts could also be positioned on the roof through an access door. Just my 2 cents.

  3. Pretty funny.
    Would be nice if the bad ones were as limited as zombies. In an apocalypse, the bad ones are likely to be a lot smarter than zombies and feral. Harder to spot too because they look like us.
    Although guns are great, they are limited against superior numbers. Getting away from cities and the hordes is the best survival tactic. Think about reducing access in a less visible way. I am planting Tree Cholla cactus along my outer barrier. In other locations, blackberry vines. Make it easier to go elsewhere without looking like a sweet plum inside.

    • Chuck Findlay says:

      Make sure you plant something with thorns around your windows. It can help keep perverts from looking in and even think about using it as a way to get in. Even in good times (as if we could call today’s times, good times) it can help keep you safe.

      • Chuck,
        I haven’t done that yet. It will be prickly pear. The only perv that peeked in my bedroom window so far was a full grown mountain lion. Stood on its hind legs to do it. Then there was a 300 pound black bear took a nap in my shed. Oh yeah, that 3 foot prairie rattler that struck at me twice and got smacked with the flat side of the shovel a couple times until he moved outside the fence. That time my 10 pound dog got out and I strolled down the driveway after him and went nose-to-nose with Brer Coyote before we ran in opposite directions. I share these truthful stories with all town is I know without divulging my address.
        I will get prickly pear in around my windows. Mrs. Kravitz lives next door, the worst I have to deal with so far.

    • Thomas The Tinker says:

      Rebecca…. Google rose bushes and find the one you like and order out the seeds or!….. a local green house. Me… I like ‘Tea Rose’.. wirey stems and vines, small flower and thorny like the Devils own garden. We have them planted along the ‘blind’ side of the house. They have kept the small kids, homeless, dogs and cats out of the yard… tree rats.. no. Everything else yepper.

      • Thomas
        I love wild roses with their hips. I do need to try out Rosa woodsii. I am not allowed to water here, so unlikely to keep any of those beauties alive. I am working the heck out of my natives. Prickly pear and Banana Yucca maybe?

  4. Northernwolf says:

    Here in my town we have the zombie response team and at least one person in the neighboring town so at least there is some help

  5. Chuck Findlay says:

    What, you mean the walking dead zombies aren’t real???

    I thought all TV shows were real.

    PS: Not that I watched many of them (boring if you ask me) but I can sum up every walking dead show in one sentence.

    Were here and need to go over there and by the way there are a few zombies between here and there.

  6. Thomas The Tinker says:

    YowwwZa Chuck…..Sorta like the east and west side of Toledo.

  7. I still think zombies are democrats. You know who I mean, liberal college professors, liberal teacher, registered democrats stupid enough to put signs on their cars & lawns proclaiming “Hillery” or “Berney”….You all know who I mean.

  8. twdowns says:

    Well you started off with, ” If you get winded running a mile,” and that’s where I started looking for the comment section. I’m 69 years old with bad knees and can’t run at all. But, I would guess you couldn’t stay with me all day while I worked. I was raised in the woods and have been prepared all my life. A lot of this prepper stuff is for nimrods that only see the outdoors on TV. A lot is to sell useless books and junk. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in being prepared and am prepared but, statistics from some prepper sites (I read them all) says 90% of the people will shelter at home. These exotic bugout locations are just for TV shows. I personally don’t expect to meet anyone trying to bite my neck. if we’re going to prep, let’s keep it real.

    • Babycatcher says:

      Thank you. Some of us have to make our last stand where we are. So, don’t mess w us! Lol. I’m still thinking of places to hide unfortunates.

    • Curley Bull says:

      I’m with you twdowns!! I’m 69 also and thanks to lower back, left hip, and knees (not to mention heart) I can’t run anymore either. I would have to stand and fight. I use a “brass knob walking stick”, old men use canes. I taught riot baton and close order combat in the military so I know I would have a chance. The zombies we’ll be facing will be live, young, inexperienced, punks that have never had to fight for their life. I’m thinking if you take out the first 3 the rest will back off. All this is assuming they do not have firearms. If they do, then I’ll use my 45. My goal is to not be caught out in the open to start with.

  9. …”you need to be in great shape”. I don’t survive the first sentence.
    While I enjoy a good Zombie movie there is one underlining flaw in all of them. If zombies are dead and the exterior body is decaying then it stands to reason that the interior parts of the body would be decaying as well. Seriously, how long will the heart and lungs function? The muscles and joints?
    I think I can hunker down for 3 or 4 days. A week at most.

  10. Matthew Naru says:

    Havent worked out the particulars on how to do this, but this is my idea. Surround your house with treadmill machines, can find these on craiglist real cheap. Have these hooked up to a generator of some sort. Funnel the zombies onto the treadmills. As zombies walk on the treadmills you can generate power to run your house and an electrical grid to zap the excess zombies on the ground. Some sort of upright electrical poles or ground based grid like in the 50’s movie ” The Thing “with james arness from the comes to mind. You can power your house all day and night with no problem. Just my 2 cents

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