You Know You’re a Prepper if . . .

By Bam Bam

ITEOTWAWKI5What if Jeff Foxworthy were a prepper? Well, you’d probably get something like the following.

You know you’re a prepper when your weekly date night consists of hanging out at Walmart to see if they got in any shipments of ammo.

You know you’re a prepper if your idea of a second home is a shipping crate.

You know you’re a prepper if you watch Doomsday Prepper and pick apart everything they are doing wrong.

You know you’re a prepper if you’ve bought fish antibiotics and yet you don’t have any fish.

You know you’re a prepper if you’ve ever used the term “pantry porn.”

You know you’re a prepper if you ask your dh for a bunny and he asks, “Oh, for Easter?” And you say, “no, for stew.”

You know you’re a prepper if you take your spouse out shooting for Valentine’s Day.

You know you’re a prepper when your idea of a vacation is going to TN to look at property.

You know you’re a prepper if you dog has a BOB.

You know you’re a prepper if you take a second look at road kill and wonder what it would taste like.

You know you’re a prepper if you think about which spices would make road kill taste better.

You know you’re a prepper if your idea of a vacation is going to Louisiana to hunt alligators like on Swamp People.

You know you’re a prepper if you buy 100-proof vodka by the case even though you don’t drink.

You know you’re a prepper if you know the names of every character on Walking Dead.

You know you’re a prepper when your boots cost four times as much as your dress shoes.

You know your wife’s a prepper when the only silk underwear she owns is longjohns.

You know you’re a prepper when you have to get your foundation shored up to support the water barrels.

You know you’re a prepper when you’ve publicly admitted you “lost all your guns in a boating accident” while in line to buy ammo.

You know you’re a prepper when you look at the weeds in your yard and see either a salad or medicine.

You know you’re a prepper when you can pick out other preppers at Walmart based on what they have in their cart.

You know you’re a prepper if you’ve got 600 lbs. of rice put up and you worry that that’s not enough.

You know you’re a prepper if you would need a U-Haul to move all your cases of #10 cans.

You know you’re a prepper if you’ve got more food stored for you pets than most people store for their entire family.

You know you’re a prepper if all your hygiene supplies are dated and you have toothpaste from 2010.

Please feel free to add your own one-liners below.

Comments

  1. Beans-N-Bullets says:

    1) when you have a computer program to calculate your food storage
    2) when you get a divorce because your other half isn’t on board
    3) when you calculate how many #10 cans will fit under a queen size mattress if you raise it 2/3/4 feet off the ground and what size step stool will work to get up on the bed after you raised it.
    4) when you size up you neighbors dogs as food
    5) when you look at P.V.C as a way to bury you excess ammo/guns/food
    6) you think of gun shows as a good place to pick up a date.
    7) your ideal husband/wife knows how to skin a rabbit and then cook it with out modern appliances : )
    8) you are never satisfied with anything that comes out of a politicians mouth or the amount of ammo that you have after hearing one of there speech’s.

  2. Babycatcher says:

    yKYAPW your daughter asks why you still have their homeschool books- the last homeschooled child is now 24! And the one who asked is 36!

    • Sure ‘nough–find myself correcting spelling and grammar as I read these great comments and ideas. Have to be prepared to school.

  3. Babycatcher says:

    …when your hubby buys you a beautiful, excellent condition wood stove insert for your anniversary, birthday, whatever, and has never used one, but knows you do. Oh, and he found it on Craigslist and paid to have it professionally installed, so it would be safe. I’m telling you guys, my man LOVES me!

  4. Babycatcher says:

    BnB, we have actually considered #3! Haven’t done it yet though…

  5. YKYAPW you overhear your son quote Sun Tzu to his online game squad mates.

    • Ykyapw….the plumber says, “Sorry, you can’t use the bathrooms for a couple days.” You think…I have a couple port a potties, an outdoor shower, hot tub, stock tank, lots of dish pans…I’m good. No worries.
      That was actually my weekend.

  6. LazarusLong says:

    YKYAPW you’ve run out of hidden storage space so you cut out panels of sheetrock behind furniture all over your house and start stacking inside your walls using 2×4 crossbeams between the studs for shelving

  7. Jersey Drifter says:

    YKYAPW you put your cell phone in the microwave to see if it would be a good faraday cage. I tried calling mine…..but it just went snap, crackle, and pop, started to spark and smoke, and came out a little melted. Oh dang.

  8. Ykyapw,
    You plan a trip with a friend and she says, “We can take my car if you think your gear will fit in it”.

    You cut your old tshirts in to rags in case you have to resort to “family cloth”, unless you need a rug, then you tear them in strips and crochet a rug.

    You have so much extra bedding that space bags are a regular item on your shopping list.

  9. You spent the evening looking at replacement parts for the Alladin lamp because DH finally got on board, and wants to make sure it’s ready for “when the time comes.”

  10. when you see random things as prepper items like the Gatorade bottle you just finished

    • That is so funny, I used to save Gatorade bottles for plinking targets, but I am thinking they are too”valuable” to waste that way.

  11. Thank you Bam Bam, it was a great idea to do this when you first came up with. I’m so glad you ran with the idea, haven’t laughed and smiled so much in a long time. Thanks to everyone for their comments 🙂 🙂 🙂

  12. YKYAP when you buy your DW a beautiful, Lavender Lady, 38 for her birthday, along with a gift card to the local range for “lady shooting instruction”, then buy your 14 year old daughter a beautiful Pink Lady 38, and the gift card, and your 11 year old daughter a beautiful Green Lady 38, sorry, no gift card, too young.

  13. YKYAP if you offer the traffic cop a brick of 22 not to write you a ticket, you know he’s one if he accepts

  14. SnakePliskin says:

    Oh man, thank you all for the humor! Tough day for me and this post and comments have made me laugh my head off. You all are the funniest and best. After all, if we can’t laugh at ourselves…………

    Thanks again. Wish i was as funny and wicked smart as you good people.

    Best,

    SnakePliskin

  15. Christian Soldier says:

    YMBAP if you carry more bug out equipment in your golf bag than you do golf equipment.

  16. YKYAP when people asks what’s in your car top carrier and you laugh and tell them that is where you keep the bodies until you can dispose of them. Funny thing, after that they never ask what’s really in it.

  17. YKYAP when your ammo cans take up more room in your bedroom closet than your shoe collection.

  18. YKYAseriousP when the local amish think you have gone too far in self-sufficiency….twice!
    And when you are chosen to become a military survival training instructor and you don’t know why…until you realize the training sounds like a “lite” version of very vacation you have had with your grandparents since you were born.

  19. When your good neighbor saves their 1 gallon pickle jars for you so you can dry can your rice and dry beans. Realizing that someone getting their pickles in 1 gallon jars is also a prepper, just not up to speed on the dry canning.

  20. You know you’re a prepper when you move your dress clothes into storage to make room for your cammo clothes.

  21. You know your a prepper when Lowe’s has a reserved parking spot for you.

    You know your a prepper when your kids know more about operating fire equipment than their teachers.

    You know your a prepper when your kids will tell strangers everything about your family but clam up about the pantry and garage.

    • Teresa Farrow says:

      Oh my gosh!!! I just had this conversation with my nine year old in Costco. He asked why we were buying a large tarp…he thought better of it and hushed.

  22. Gotta say, you all have made me feel great about all my little “weirdnesses” that draw comments and raised eyebrows from family and friends. YKYAP when you remind people that your parents grew up during the Great Depression, and so it is just natural for you to be a collector of random stuff . . .

  23. Debra DeKerlegand says:

    YKYAPW your drive home from work consists of stopping at the bakery to pick up empty plastic food storage containers, a stop at Starbucks to pick up the used coffee grounds for the garden, and you can never look at a trash can at Lowes without thinking “can I hook one more up to the rain barrel system?”

    Glad to say I’m in such good company!

  24. I know I’m prepared when I got my bug out bug under my bed ready on the go and modern survival blog is always on my list for updates.

  25. YKYAPW you consider stopping in the middle of the interstate to grab a stack of 5 gallon buckets in the median.

  26. Teresa Farrow says:

    Oh my gosh…I must have forgotten what it is to really laugh out loud. I have not laughed so hard in years. And while I still do not have my land, I can identify with everything on the list. My last vacation was driving to Adair County, Kentucky to look at Amish farms for sale.

  27. Teresa Farrow says:

    YKYARAP when your nine year old asks if we have $4,000 to buy the generator he has spotted at Costco’s.

  28. New Hampshah says:

    When every family get together or holiday turns into a gunshow and you can’t serve dinner until they get their ammo off the table.